Screaming update...

When people say its not good to keep things inside.... its not just some corny american pop phycology......... I told everyone exactly what I thought of them ......I broke a wine glass and had a good cry and ever since the screaming has stopped.

involuntary screaming

I don't really put any effort in to these anymore...fuck it all I don't care. I keep having these bad thoughts and I keep screaming, theres no warning I can't control it my mums the same insensitive ignorent bitch she's always been and says things like "For goodness sake what on earth will the tenants think" It seems to be connected with certain key words. I hear a certain word and I go FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU like that. Its not Fuck its almost fuck its the word that comes out half the time but as soon as I hear myself it turns in to a scream. More often than that its just a scream. The stress of everything is getting to me and because I can't ever get a resolution with any of it I'm stuck just screaming all the time.

The definition of a criminal

Good news Gill!! I'm feeling a lot more confident about getting the fuck out of here and gonna be seeing you in India maybee even before Christmas. I found a ground school in west yorkshire that can speed me through the whole thing in 2 days. I'm pleading not guilty cause the pigs have fuck all evidence against me. Though I'm still a perpetual nervous wreck I have received lots of good karma and good things are happening in the world ..... this idiot ...probably had enough of the recession said goodbye to this cruel world by jumping of the job center building... my mums work mates were urging him on "Oh get it over with!!" now thats bad karma BUT!! The day I went to wakefeild to pick up my charges I had no money!! I couldn't get anymore cash from the machine... I phoned my mum to wire me some money went back to the cash machine and theres 50 squid poking out of the slot!! Not a hint of hesitation on my part........ TAXI !! Last wed I got up to catch the train for my hearing (has been ajourned for my not guilty plea) and on the news the science adviser has been sacked for telling the truth about cannabis and other drugs. Gorden Brown is a fucking idiot!! All the science advisers who spent 10 years of research on the harms of drugs without any pay. The goverment just ignored all the scientific evidence and did as they pleased reclassifying it to a class b drug. Now there advisers are resigning and I hope that dull ignorent fuckhead wipes his feet on a decade of research of a team of highly respected scientists, the thruth, civil liberties, and more importantly my civil liberties. I HOPE TO GET THE CHANCE TO MEET YOU GORDON BROWN, THE GLOVES WILL FLY OFF MY HANDS AND I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT A CRIMINAL IS. All in all FUCK YOU!!

NA NA NA NA ..na na ...................NOT GUILTY!!

I had checked out for the entire day, as I made my way to wakefeild county court expecting to be charged with possession (an unrecognized crime in Australia) and driving under drug influence. The second charge is the most damaging as far as I'm concerned and it would have been dependant on forensics saying he had this much cannabiniod in his system.

NOW WATCH ME!!



It said in the last 3 months at some point I had consumed cannabis!! I've been to fucking amsterdam since then. It proves nothing and the only other evidence is said to be the video of me doing the finger on the noise dealy. I forgot to remember to stop counting or somthing stupid theres fuck all evidence there. FUCK THAT so at the end of this month I shall be pleading NOT GUILTY!!

Go Find Tigers!!

I think their somewhat close to Varanarsi and there's loads of cool things to see. I remember going Tiger hunting (finding) but you must get up extra early!! They dissapear after 6am. Wow its all coming back to me now we all went on Jeeps and there was a big wooden gate with huge spikes on it to stop some army that came on elephants (that should give you a clue as to the place) Seemed I was quite the outgoing ten year old as I wandered off in to the back of a truck with all these guys egging me on with scotch and ciggerettes!! On the way back we came across a pet monkey a tenacious little fucker almost as bad as those little yappaty dogs I hate. Have you seen 28 days later? This was worse!! We were all sat down next to it. With a chain around its neck also, it seemed pretty tame!! Now the monkey has escalated me and suddenly it doesn't seem as happy, This monkey has very much taken a dislike to me!! I'm very cautiously trying to move away and allow it some form of exit, the monkeys having none of it. This monkey's biting in to me like a fucking velociraptor, sounded like one too!! I ran off screaming fucking hell thankfully the chain only gave it so much range!! And after I was all fuck you, you vicous little monkey!! Nursing my wounds at the same time and were all sat in an open top jeep. Well. What should happen next? The monkey has broken free of its chain!! Its mounting towards me like a fucking t-rex. Get the fucking jeep started!! We just got away in time!!

The Family Can Stay At Home!!

I was posted on an assignment as a mystery shopper I had to go by another name which is ironically Ash. I was in the market for this beast....yes that sounded camp to me too!!




It was great same dealy almost as with the Bank, they made me a nice capuchino and my job was to find out how low I could haggle him down to. OTR price of 19,675 I said I've got a breifcase full of cash the tax man will neeever know!! Kidding. But yes I was paying cash and got him right down to 18,350 with free extras. How fucking savy is that. "Why do you want such a big car?"
"Ummmm I have a big family."
"Contact telephone number?" Oh fuck I thought what if he rings me up wouldn't it be funny to come up with something to really wind him up. I did and he rang!! "Is that Ash?"
"Errghh yeeesss hi!!" ANd it takes forever to fuck around with apostrophies he went on to ask about if I was interested and why I hadn't returned to buy it that day as I said. "Sorry I had a sudden change of heart!! Imp of the perverse is sitting on my shoulder la la la "Yeah I've opted for the Mini electric instead!!"



I joked that it would pay for itself in gold bullion "I don't want a petrol or deisil car I want an electric one!! Its gonna be fantastic nil engine noise perfect silence, I don't need a 6 seater saloon car the family can stay at home, I'm opting for peace and quiete!! I don't want them ruining the tranquility!!" I hung up and collapesed on the floor oh that hurt so much!! I should have said a plane I know.

Cold Turkey

For the last 9 months there hasn't been a pupil in either eye. Nor have I had any money. I am however on top of it and have given my mum my bank card until I'm out of dept. I will be in credit by next week. The guy who deals me has had to cancel his morgage.... kidding. I must have smoked around 2k of mj over the years and I'm craving it like crazy. Its only been a week it feels much much longer. I slipped up once earlier on in the week but thats because I found a half smoked joint among some cd's, I never thought there was any possibility of such a thing existing cause I've been on my hands and knees before with tweezers near where I usually roll up picking bits out of the carpet, licking my grinder clean. I've been trying to invent things and I've had some amazing ideas though theres a patent for all of them and one was a timer box that only opens at a specified time and date as a means of keeping things from yourself. My mum won't have any part of it, I asked her to be my temptation box and to give me just one joint a week. Finally I have a job!! Its only temperary but its 40hrs pw packing chocolates so there will be lots of fiscal leg room when I'm in India and Asia and I'm off mystery shopping at some mini dealerships this week too. The only thing thats holding me back right now is my flying progress. My ciruits are in need of some refining and I can't get back to flying solo until I improve and I still have some exams to study for and take. I guess I'll be seeing you in January!!

My sister is in a music vid.

I'm so proud of my sister!! She plays the girl washing the window at the begining. DOn't confuse her with the other girl.

Kat Gadsden - My way
by rotemkop

A bird problem and recent pic of me...

So yes I've been saving wildlife. Something a kid would do and draw a picture of it and say mummy mummy I found a bird because theres no real story ...just a bird. hmmmm I thought it was concust cause it had no obvious injury and was near the window. Julie (our new tenant) decided to hold it until it pecked the crap out of her...would have filmed that but she was in her nighty at the time. This is the only pic I have of me since mexico probably. I made my mum take it cause I was getting annoyed with not being in any pictures ever. In conclusion I took the bird to the vet and if they can't get it to fly there gonna kill it.

my last post was when I was high it was a joke of some kind hmmmm.....

SO my sister has hit the big time she's rolling in 2and a half k. SHe spends her time now in cafes chatting casually away with mr beans dentist!! She's got richard wilson to do fucking pilates I swear I'm not making this up. So yeah she got herself a gig doing a cellphone ad. See these clips!!

For Gill..I put a squirrell in this also for no reason.

I found this suposidly great ending from the wonder years.......but don't take any weird meaning from it. Not that I'm being defensive or over-compensating. I mean someone who was being that way would just go on and on making a big deal out of nothing, it is after all just a video that I found browsing mindlessly. Ooooooh look a squirrell!! There like furry little people....

Spooky Black Cat

Eddie is the name of our cat and he has an arch-enemisis whatever its called. This horrible vicous black cat.... and its a vile bully to Eddie....thats why this is so strange becaues we squirt water at it and run after it all the time. I was having a nap on my mums bed and Eddie is resting on top of me and I hear this meowing and this black cat has somehow made it in our house and climbed the stairs. It jumps up on the window sill walks out on to the small window ledge. I get up to look out the window and the little fucker by magic apparently is at the bottom of the garden making its way over the fence. I STILL CANNOT FIGURE OUT HOW IT MANAGED IT!!

I've been a moron.......again!!

Oh I can't beleive how I could have been so stupid. I feel really bad arghhhhh help me I want to curl up on the floor I'm cringing so much. I had to go to this god awfull place called Wakefield for a "speed awareness course" It was instead of a speeding ticket. I was very safe driving all the way there and everything going slow I was in no rush. The universe hates me more than I do for my moronic stupidity. I took the wrong turning at a roundabout and then I look and I find out that I'm low on petrol. I thought I was doing the right thing by pulling up on the hard shoulder to get my sat nav working again and find the nearest petrol station because it would be dangerous to be on the motorway if I could run out of petrol anytime. My herb grinder was on the passenger seat, then this big long streak of piss/bacon knocks on my window!! My heart sank. I thought it was an emergency situation thats why I stopped. I'm in the back of the police car and I was very calm I explained my position. I'm about to get back in the car and the police follow me to help with directions after fining me!! "Have you been smoking?" Back in the police car handcuffs on.......I've just got back now. From what my solicitor says I think its more or less gonna be a positive outcome.... the skin of my teeth and some fucking serious yang to go with the ying with there entire computer sytem not working, they couldn't get any records and it seems thats the reason they've dropped the possesion charge for a caution instead. I have to wait for a blood test. I had to do that whole steve martin act with the fingers on the nose and I failed it not that there was fuck all wrong with me but it was a communication error and I find myself arguing about there instructions because there were so pedantic about it and I wanted them to clarify and stuff. I have to go back in October to see if I passed the blood test. Theres a benchmark and if it is just the universe kicking my ass I might be lucky and be within the mark. Do you know more about India yet? I want to tour Asia in general, no idea yet. Is all good with you?

Sex , Violence and U.N peace keeping

Its none stop now with couch-surfers .......... oh and what are the chances of hosting a guy who was a member of the young persons republic of China and a girl from Taiwan. I didn't even realize it might be an issue because I'm very ignorant on everything and anything political or geographical. My Dad sat me down and explained why it was funny. I don't get why Taiwan can't be its own country if the Taiwanese wants to be. I want Independence for California and Austin can be a province. In light of that I gave the Chinese guy the couch and declared the double bedroom as Taiwanese territory. Lots of Asians are making there way here including most recently a Malaysian girl. I took her to my favourite bar and we got all drunk and flirty.......she was like all on my jock the entire time. I have to get to know a girl before I'll let anything happen. She tests out cancer and HIV drugs on patients. I liked her and she put up with a lot of shit. My dad arranged this trip for us in the country and in general I tend to be very sensitive around his company forever scared he's gonna act like an ass or make a scene or do something embarrassing. I'm use to it and anything like that just washes over me but he involved himself in my affairs and he acted like the biggest jackass and started a completely inappropriate argument with me in front of her and she was still a complete stranger as far as I was concerned. Just because I wanted to use the Sat-Nav. He objected to the sound it would make but he was too busy shouting at me to notice that I said I would turn the sound off. Everything has to be a certain way with him. He's so often and arrogant obnoxious pig-headed churl at times. I felt terrible and I refused to go because I'm not gonna be responsible for anyone elses behaviour but my own. I was so mad as soon as he came back in the house I grabbed him by the throat I said "Your lucky I don't knock you out" and that "I don't ever want you to be involved with my guests ever again". I felt all guilty about about it but the great thing is he really got the message. Phycologists (the sensible proffesion without the facism) say you have to go through a phase of understanding that your parents aren't perfect. I'm about 10 years late but I'm there as I say he's arrogant and has an I'm better than thou attitude to everyone. Candy will be meeting me in Brisbane next year, shes a Christian and I feel the same way as you do about Religion. She has May- December potential I think........

Call 999.......I've gone crazy!!

It all started with the craziest of delusions. It was a hard call I couldn't tell anymore. But why then do I have a clear memory of this. I could recall owning this mysteryious device that made things appear and disapear .... it was a kitchen sized appliance that one put things inside and they dissapear or re-apear. I remember being amazed at using it for the first time and putting my cat in it then taking of the lid looking inside it and finding it empty. I was compelled to go my Nanner's flat as I had a strong inclining that I had given it to her before she died and the Landlord had re-leased the place without giving us chance to collect her stuff....... To Musab and all of his irritating freinds. Oh crap I thought, I had only just got rid of him. Why is he living there now. I get to the apartment and I'm very contious of not wanting to impose because if I say I'm there just to look for something he won't beleive me , he'll assume I'm just there to smoke weed and drink and never leave. Don't tell him your looking for a thing that makes stuff dissapear he'll think your crazy. I made it clear I was just there to look for something but he was still an ass about it "But you can't stay, when you find it you have to go". Something just isn't right though, I remember thinking and yet everything looks right.... I walk through and theres the coffee table and I think yeah it might be under there. The more I look around .... the more disorientated I start feeling and the more distressed I am because I can't figure out what I'm doing .... this is too crazy ...I seem to have this false memory and I have no idea why. "What are you looking for ?" Asked Musab. I'm standing there baffled leaning on the kitchen counter looking down at my hands
"I don't know!!"...... "I can't for the life of me figure this out, I mean for some reason I can remember and its as clear to me as me standing here now having owned this .........but it was also a dream.....I think. Its crazy I have these dreams that re-occur." Musabs just looking at me like I've lost it completely and then suddenly..... "My hands are frozen!!" Something is very wrong .... maybee its Scitzophrenia. "Musab call an ambulance now something is very wrong with me right now... I think I'm having a stroke or I don't know"
"Ok no problem!! Don't worry!!" Through the haze of it all I can see Musab getting the phone but I don't remember him dialing I'm too busy looking down at my hands.
"Fuck I can't feel them!!" In fact I think i'm hallucinating my hands because in actual fact I know I'm not leaning on them as I know have them on my hips. "Musab can you see where I have my hands right now? I'm hallucinating an extra pair of hands!!"
"I have someone on the phone for you!!" Musabs there holding the phone to my ear.
"Hello Sir? I was speaking to your freind I think your having a fit its a kind of epilepsy its not one where you fall over but it can happen like that its more of a perpetual day dream." As soon as I heard this I was cautious of not giving them any information about who I am and If I have to I'll tell them I'm someone else completley. If theres any record to say I have epilepsy then my career is over. "Its a shame because it means you can't come flying with us anymore, you won't pass the medical!!"
Who the fuck has Musab called? Its not possible... how does he know the number of the flying club and why would he do that? I couldn't accertain if they knew who I was .....I'll fucking kill him!! "Look I'll have to call you back" By this time my episode seemed to have passed but everything seemed completly bizzare still. I get off the phone and I made out that someone had left the room and this Saudi is standing there!! For all I know he could be Musab and my mind is playing tricks on me. "Are you Musab? Where the fuck is he?" Next thing I know I'm outside and I find my cat!! Then yes perhaps it was somewhat predicatble but I wake up to find it was a dream.

Job Interview

Just had a job interview. It went very well I think, I'm getting good at answering those structured questions blah blah blah part of a team.... Job satisfaction stuff like that you don't even need to listen to yourself just hit all those keywords. I'm doing sales advising people about the kind of computer hardware they would like on a shop floor... well I might be I'm quite confident I have the Job. Yesterday was fun I was with the Arabs.... those people need to learn how to eat, its not always practical to use just your hands. I was running an erand driving to this dealers house for them, there was a joint in it for me.......I'd drive to Landsend for a joint!! Then we played football on the PS3 and I was doing very well scoring goals.... if not in the wrong net and when I learned who I was and where to shoot I kept doing it past half time because they swap over.

Musab's guide to Shisha.

We went to Manchester yesterday, Musab invited me in to the world of Shisha. If you don't know this is Arabian fruit flavored smoking. I've tried it before but I didn't get it mmmmm appley smoke ...and? I got roped in to buying one. It would be great if I can adapt it to get high. The whole day was a disaster, I'm expecting a speeding ticket in the post a camera took my picture. Some parking attendant cunt gave me a ticket because I wasn't parked in a bay correctly. On arriving home we get out our Shisha's and Musab says "You'll love it, its very relaxing!!" I had to disagree after lit coal ended up all over the carpets of 3 separate rooms. Its taken me all day with a water vacuum cleaning up and the house insurance covers nothing. Only one room was my fault.

Arabian nights and the Spanish Inquisition!!

excuse me HA HA HA HA HA HA FUCK ME HA HA HA HA HA HA AHUM A HA .........OH WHAT A WEEKEND!!

WATCH THIS VIDEO BEFORE CONTINUING TO READ.



I hosted this Spanish girl and I was practicing my Spanish with her and was going well. She's an interesting charactor with a strong personality. Likes to speak her mind a lot. I totally respect it but tengo mierdo todos los dias. Took her back to the Arabian bachelor pad. "Whisky on the rocks with coke Yaser!!"
"Of course Ash!!"
"Bukra!!" Now I have 20 odd Arabian freinds and it will be good for my C.V. I'm going to retake the challenge of learning Arabic in 2 weeks.
Was smoking a little pot and dancing to all the single Ladies and Stella ventured questions about Arabic culture. I was like of fuck get me out of here. She had lots and lots of questions and why have a rule for women and not for men just because of religion. It is no fair it is not equal.The Arabians feircly defended Islamic law and there culture but one question prompted an answer that uncomfortably I had forseen.
"Why women not allow to wear what they like it is sexist"
I had way passed on giving this as my gut answer to "Because women are very very sexy to men but men are only a little sexy to women!!" Oh what a fucking answer!! I make no judgment on this.
We walk around and enter a sex shop. Very intriging!! They have these dolls. They have this huge extra sized lady, You have a job on your hands just inflating the fucker!! If you don't have a lock on your bedroom you'll never be able to deflate it in time when you hear someone coming up the stairs. Wouldn't fit in a wardrobe not even in fucking narnia!! These things though are super life like in every way imaginable with vibrating attachments super soft latex filling tilting glass eyes, an extra adventure in the oral area, blonde hair. These things start at £100 and Musab bought on. Oh I'm taking my HD camera to film him inflate the fucker. Maybee Musab might pimp her out to me!! I could take her in the car pool lanes on my way to flight school. Then these guys wanted me to show them a way to a Massage Parlor the kind that do happy endings. I just so happen to know the location. Hey what kinda guy do you take me for? Luckily I managed to loose Stella for half an hour for that errand. Nice hearing from you the last time!!

xxx

Feasability

Hello Ashton,

Thank you for your email and for your comments on the Earthrounders Site. Congratulations for your very ambitious project of flying around the World... the ultimate destination.

It is impossible to give an idea of the cost of a RTW flight. Most pilots do not want to disclose the cost of their flights. You must start by counting at least 100 hours of flying time plus all other costs, hotels, meals, bachshishs, clearances, landing fees and the like. The fuel costs are only a very small part of the equation. You will also have the hiring or purchasing and maintenance of an aircraft...Also you may not be able to put 4 people in a 4 seater aircraft as you will need more room for extra fuel and survival gear.

Flying VFR on such a long route is almost impossible, also 14 days would be an almost impossible race against time and weather. I do not know of any pilot that was not IFR rated and the minimum hours these pilots had is at least 500. A lot of experience should be gained before attempting such an endeavour, like building flying hours and practicing flying to nearby friendly foreign countries.

I hope this should not deter you in your project, a very ambitious one and I hope you will be able to achieve it.
If you have any questions do not hesitate to contact us. You may want to read the stories of other pilots on the Earthrounders Site and contact as many Earthrounders you may encounter.

Regards

Claude Meunier
claudemeunier@bigpond.com
www.earthrounders.com

guiness book of records, Musabs hypocondria...and his PA

Its been a very interesting past few days. Unbelievably beautiful .....I got my hands on some pot....every bodies all sunned out and happy and hooked on god endorphines for the easter period OMG and I'm all paranoid its like the whole world revolves around me and there all in on it somehow!! I'm in The Truman Show here!!
I swear looking at the sky not one single cloud, clear blue everywhere. Too perfect to be real.. one could poke a hole or sale right in to it.
Had a fun time with this French Canadian girl. Have invited her to come. She seems very keen. Its funny when I checked out the Guineas records to find my category. But they don't seem to fucking have one its hilarious speed read this I cracked up reading the last one.



It is not possible for us to recognize national or parochial (country or region-specific) records. There are nearly 200 independent countries in the world, and you will understand that it is simply not possible for us to list 200 national records for every one of the world records we currently recognize. We therefore only publish an absolute or overall world record in each category that is not dependent on the nationality of the person who set it.

Similarly, we do not classify any of our records according to the race, ethnic background or religion of the person setting them.

Examples of proposals we do not accept:
Fastest Englishman to climb Mt Everest
Fastest run across North America by an African-American
Most sit ups by a Christian

Can you just imagine the youngest harry khrishna to climb everest or the highest altitude reached by a pagan on a broomstick. Put the point was that the black guy made big deal about being black as the the youngest black person yada yada I would have surley been the youngest white person. They should add a catagory!!

I'm out with Jane from Quebec whom I liked much talking away with her and we go see Musab for a rest stop...my envy has subsided whisky on the rocks yaser!! No problem Ash!! Oh its fucking great they make my dinner and OMG what a fucking pair of morons they spent all the money on the flat and they received an unexpected 2k council tax bill I have to go and translate for them. But I'm taking Jane to the pent house and scared for her a lot she's gonna be a lamb to the slaughter here, there all gonna hit on her. Not that I cared. It was unfrigin-beleivable with Musab "I need to go to the Hospital emergency room" He was complaining of a soar throat just go to your G.P. "NO I need ER" I then suggested the NHS Walkin center no appointment you just walk in for minor things and they just tel you to wrap up warm. Its free. Was so cool like watching house, I joined in with the nurse I know words like sarcodosis now I watch House MD too much for about an hour after I'm being sarcastic and mean to everyone. "Do you have an alergy to penicillin because thats an important differential factor in the diagnosis isn't it nurse" Justed needed some pain pills the special little fucker.

Anyway in case you don't hear from me
Good afternoon Good evening and Goodnight!!

Neurotic nightmares, Easter paranoia.

I don't know whats happened, I stopped my medication last month because I seemed to function fine without it and since I had all those strange dreams but its not just like that anymore, its now at such an intense degree I now dream all night long. You won't believe the night I had I spent the entire night tidying up in a dream. I had to make these journeys by car and it was interwoven with 3 reoccurring dreams I just had so many things to do and 3 places to go back and forth from and I had all my stuff and every place was a mess and my Dad was making me do it and being a total cunt about it but I was busy trying to find my things. I was trying to follow a list my mum wrote. It was like that all night and I was being interrupted and it got messier and messier and I wanted to escape and I was getting so angry with everyone because I really trusted that it was real and I was upset because I didn't know what was real anymore and I rang up Yaser because I was at a nightclub with him last night I couldn't go inside because of the shoe nazis and I hate nightclubs anyway I really fucking hate them now and I said "This is a dream!! Thats whats happening that's why nothing makes sence because I was cleaning up and I remember the car but I don't know how I got here"
"I can't hear you"

This is a story I'm finding hard to tell and structure lets see how well I do. It began yesterday with some couch-surfers. I was feeling very crappy and thinking oh I won't like them and all this neurotic guilt about thinking that and what if they're pretty and that's why I like them. My mind wouldn't leave me alone all these strange thoughts kept coming at me so I had to disassociate myself from it all to keep calm, I felt withdrawn but after an evening I found them very friendly and funny and I got on with them really well. I hate York and these people come and ask me about the good things in York. I never seem to get the answer right or I have to tell them that I hate it here and they will then want to know why. The next day I took them in to town and it was really strange I found myself having fun or something and it turns out there's all this stuff here that makes it a kinda cool place. I completely came out of my shell everything was so different I was laughing and we were talking on and on and all of the other stuff disappeared. I seemed to trust that everything was OK it seemed really easy. I had to help Musab with something and so we all went to his flat on the way there was this public baptizing I think a bad seed was planted from that point, it freaked me out, all these people of the street climbing in to this bath fully clothed and this youth group wanting to spread the word of God and talking about this being some human being type Character with either real or metaphorical hands and a personality with very specific opinions and emotions. I just don't get what its for, why are people doing these things. We all went to Musabs place and I felt worse I've just seen an example of what can motivate people to behave the way that they do and now I'm inviting these girls back to a flat with these Arabian guys and I just feel so ambivalent towards them. Sometimes I think I'm just being paranoid or too sensitive about things.

It was Ketamine!!

I'm soo so stupid, people get stoned they don't turn to stone. Very rarely sometimes weed is spiked Ketamine, commonly used as a horse tranquilizer. I had unwittingly anesthetized myself in to being a living statue its a paralytic so you get the fun deal of being fully conscious like the spider in Lord of the Rings.

Frozen Ash.... paralysed in a standing position

Oh what a fucking crazy hour that was.............thought I was gonna fuckin' kick it. Yeah so I bought some weed and got my self set up with a grinder , smoking away to my hearts content and I try to sit down on the sofa...... Oh what the fuck? I can't move!! ..... Don't be ridiculous I say to myself come on come you just bend your knees hell fuck it just try falling backwards then............... I could not move a fucking leg related mussel ............ some how I find my self frozen in a standing postition .......... just fucking stood there..........for 20 minutes!! OMG scared the shit out of me ............help I've had a stroke ...someone I'm stuck here!! HELP HELP WHAT the fuck is the matter with me? I tried grabbing my legs with my arms to try and get them working again shaking away ....the craziest thing to happen to me in a long while. I was eventually able to shuffle my self around with my legs frozen like that..............nightmarish!! Already getting loan quotes for my plane......end of post.

Can barley afford the life raft for this thing.....

Hmmm its perfect and ideal looks comfortable too but money woes as they go ooh that rhymed! Yes I am one fiscally channeled individual, and I didn't get that job Que lastima. Oh what a fucking glorious day. Sunny and bright ... the sound of a distant lawn mover. Its been nice ...nice and steady flow to the whole day easy oh as it goes. I'm on my moped back from town, and then....sniff .....fucking slammed on the brakes!!
These young guys walk behind me at the junction to cross. They stood at the other side chatting away and I beckoned him to come over this poor confused guy with this who the fuck are you look on his face. "I smelt weed!" The fucker tried ripping me off I had to repark and go to the cash machine. Its been so long TO BE CONTINUED

This is the kinda plane I wanna get....

SHERBURN BASED G-WERY

Share For Sale
£15,750



AerospatialeTrinidad TB20 155 kt cruise

Total time since new 2600 hours approx * Engine 850 hours approx
(zero timed factory engine with all ancillaries: alternator, starter motor etc. fitted May 2000)

Blue Leather Interior
• King Com
• Garmin 250XL GPS Com
• King KNS 81 RNAV (FM immune)
• Slaved HSI with ILS
• DME
• Markers with audio
• 2nd Nav and indicator
• Garmin Mode S Transponder
• 2nd Artificial Horizon (electric)
• 2nd Altimeter
• RMI with VOR needle
• Century 2000 Autopilot linked H.S.I
• Bare metal respray Spring 2006
• Life Jackets + Aerad + Bottlang

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Phone :Lez Appleyard 07971987626 or 01937832765

The Imp of the Perverse.

today has been really weird been laughing for no reason, I use to have this problem with my sister she would just get annoyed and its probably the same brain defect that makes me seem guilty of things I'm innocent of. Its edgar allen poe's imp of the perverse. My sister never understood this sometimes I just go really giddy for no reason and its like that today with Musab. I'll explain.
I don't know whats going on but if someone is talking to me or I have to listen for a longer time than is comfortable to the point where I have absolutely no idea what that person is saying and I'm just mustering the strength to continue listening and not look awkward just waiting for the cue for a yeah or an I see, sure no worries. I just go off in my head and then OH NO!!! NOOO don't play the mind game you can't ever win DUM DUM DAAAAAAA the imp of the perverse is there and my rational self says shut up just listen it might be important YOUR NOW MISSING ALL THE KEY WORDS THAT ALLOW YOU TO GET AWAY WITH THIS!!
But all is lost its too late the imp knows my akiles heel all too well its been asleep for a decade.........."Don't laugh!!"
"Shut up!!" I tell it.
"Your not listening to a word are you?" and Musabs going blah blah blah and the imp says "Arrggh its almost too late your not going to last I warned you not to laugh" I exploded in to a giddy fit and I couldn't recover to explain to him about the imp in my head that makes me want to laugh at inappropriate times for no obvious reason. Its not a voice don't worry. But that little fucking imp gets me in to trouble a lot. It makes no difference if I'm completly inocent or not of whatever ....someone will say "you ate all the cake didn't you!!" I can't help it even If I don't know there is a cake or was a cake the imp says "she's on to you, she's looking for a tell. Heres what you do ok just act like you didn't eat the cake and everything will be fine just try to not avoid eye contact!!....and don't laugh!!"
and my sister would go "AHAH!!" and I would then explain to her that I was incocent its just that theres this imp!! "Oh I see an imp ate the cake, I can tell your guilty I can see it all across your face"
and thats really everything I had to say about my imp.

vicousness p2

More reasons for hating Musab........

Unfucking beleivable what this guy is capable of. I was watching a film last night and he comes while talking on his fucking cellular and then turns down the fucking volume. What a complete git!! He forever complains of being hungry and yet he has no idea of how to cook. How a fully grown human being with thumbs is unable to to assemble items of food and heat the apropriate ones by the appropriate means in the appropriate amount of time is unable to cook that is just not something I could ever understand. We have to cook for him its inclusive with the room, but were not a fucking b+b and every other saudi tenant have much insisted making there own breakfast and usually don't want an evening meal. You make Musab something and he doesn't say as much as please but "Make a salad also" He can't be frightened of getting Rickets as he sleeps with the light on and he'll go to college and leave it on. I've got a mind to take his light bulb and put a cow in the garden from witch would be his only source of Vitamin D the lazy little fuck. He's trailed mud up the stairs on 3 occaisions now. Ok I'm done.

unrelenting vicousness, fuckless republicans and stuff I can't put in the blog... oh well

Hasn't been easy so far. Filling in application forms and I always fuck it up and write in the wrong boxes. Ask for another one and they've already decided your not getting the job. They want an explanation for where I've been the last 5 years. Hoping my sister will do me a reference... but no I just know she's too irritatingly righteous and uses republican buzz words like ethical and moral. I remember a time when she would smoke the occasoinal joint but nooooo its all against her thespian cult principles. I went to her flat once and I thought I knew her and her bf had told a story about smoking weed so I thought yeah they won't care if I make a pre-roll for later. It was like the worst thing someone could do in there eyes as if I had crapped on there coffee table. I hate her she's a tighly wound cow with a patronizing and pretencious posh London accent. I just hate everyone with poisoness hissing estrogen saturated venom and sharp claws..... cunts all
of them!! I especially hate Musab our tenant. Argghhhh he's rude and a pig and he eats like a pig and acts like a pig and invades the drivers side of the car prematurly canceling indicaters and generally being like my father, he's unhealthy and smells and has no shame with what he puts in the laundry basket. He should use camamile lotion. We went out to some clubs, I stole some helium ballons from a pub (they had plenty) and he didn't get it, total buzz kill with his stealing is bad speech. First he's my father and then he's my sister. Arghhhh!! My mother went all Rita Hayworth about my plants so I had to destroy them. She's spewing out all this ignorent bullshit "Its haggling your brain, you'll end up on herion, its the thin edge of the wedge!!" This is my mother how dare she insult me like if she thinks thats my charactor then she's deluded about who her son is. The 60's was wasted on them both. I can't wait to be an ex-patriot and leave all of this
smothering shit behind me, become free ranged in the Australian sun so I can express natural behaviour away from all these baige fuckless republicans. I'll be able to legally grow my own cannabis, fly my plane, go snorkelling around the Great Barrier Reef in my free time. He got mad with all the bouncers as no-one would accept his student ID. So we headed to a mixed club and he he's going on about this and blah blah blah blah "I think he is hmmm what is this word.... gay" I was in a bad mood because I didn't really want to be out, the place had changed managment and this retard of a bouncer had since hit the "Fucking Republicans!!" nerve again in me..... its a very sensitive nerve. He had a problem with my shoes and wouldn't let me in. It was never officially mixed, maybee they had a specific night. I wasn't sure how to react because though nothing was spoken I thought it was clear I was on the record as being gay. We go in to the club.... it is hidous
with 90's dance music, it was cold. Its been renamed TRU, tip of the ice burg of pretention with all its VIP areas and beaded curtains. Soon enough some lesbians start making out. He seemed suprised, I don't know why he did see her walk to the bathroom. She looked much like me but had breasts. Awkward moment for me because it was awkward for him and he turned to me and said "Those girls are kissing" and I was like yeah I can see. I felt bad because his sensibilities where all upset. This was a badly written rant that I will now end.

mozart and thermo-sence dreams

Being off medication is an unending nightmare for me. I'm totally screwed I can't sit still without swaying back and fourth. I've taken to chewing gum in hopes of being able to concentrate and cutting down on my need to sway, If I cut down on either i'm liable to keep screaming unexpectidly. Mozart had the same problem with his tourettes but I'm fucked cause I can't play a piano I have no choice but to sway or chew or scream or when trying to go to sleep at night ... Nooooo!! ...... No not that, I'll never learn to play the piano as a blind person... but my legs take on some of the burden and do there own thing. Cuts down on the shouting!! Its all very frustrating and I'm not sure if I can go solo or not on medication. Love how the Nazis are still in power at the Joint Aviation Authority. If I have the option I'm not going to take this bullshit, its no life like this.
Sleeping has become surreal beyond belief, theres all these celebrities, last night I was a charactor in a horror film and you were in it. I was meeting you for some reason and we were on a small island in a cinema and the owner was crazy and wanted to kill us so I had to rescue you and at the begining of act 2 you turned in to Winny Cooper from the Wonder Years and for some reason you weren't talking to me. Its a very physical and visual realm, it all goes dark now and then and I can't run very fast like running through treacle and if I go to sleep with my legs crossed I tend to limp, but theres these periods where its soo so real and I find myself recalling the most obscure detail all the branches and landmarks looked exactly the same as places I've been. I went to my old house as a child where I grew up said hello to the new owners. They did a really bad job on an extension with one tiny little window. I didn't recognize his wife (she answered the door) but as soon as I saw her husband!! He looked ten years older. They invited me in, I thought they were quite rude had a very nochelent attitude towards me. Unbeleivable I had just run through the entire village limping AND it was snowing but thankfully I had no thermosence. That would be a nightmare especially if you had just got in to a nice warm bed before nodding off in to dream world and your stood there in the snow trying to dream up some mittens and a scarf.
As for the t-shirt thing I wasn't sure what you meant about copyright and putting a link on your website. I think if you wanted to do another design it would be a great idea, you should do as you see fit. The original is in my picassa web album. Here is a HD video of my current training school.

great escape, bewildered cat, getting a plane!!

Finally I've moved out of my old room in my parents house......... to another room in my parents house. For my mum to lease out an extra room we had to swap so she can access the heating control. I'll be moving to my dads spare room as soon as she finds some tenants, its been a nightmare getting her to do this. Its probably what made me crack up in the end (when I went to jail) I've spent the last 2 years getting her to do this, I only get ridiculous excuses and she keeps going back on what she says she'll do every couple of months the arguments were getting pretty horrific, with me screaming "Your the enabler!! Your the enabler!!" etc. Trying to escape this house where I've spent the last 15 years its been a nightmare, all those hours I spent walking around the garden with pockets full of dirt...... avoiding spot lights..... on a motorbike....almost made it over the wire fence etc. All day today while she was at work I've been hoovering and moving furniture wardrobes, washing machines, beds, vanity units. My cat was a little confused "Am I moving or weeing on more furnituree?" was the look it gave me and like cats do it fucked of in the end.......... but my mother!!........ "I SAID I'D GET TOO IT!!" she ex....ploded!!... On her return. We fought over a mattress as she tried dragging it back to her old room. The cat came back.... it just sighed.... "Fine I'll come back later" after another lengthy argument and more "Your the enabler!!" She saw reason in the end and within the hour it was finished with. Anyway this means something fantastic!!
At the end of this year I think I'll be able to afford a share in a plane!! Have to live like a church mouse but I can do it and get a really nice 4 seater too!! After doing the math again I'm sure its within my means assuming I can get the time in a syndicate to do an around the world trip. How awesome would that be? I'm estimating (not sure how well) I can get this underway from August to January. Hope to have emigrated to Australia (haven't decided where yet) by August, then need to get a job, then a flat and finally a plane. I won't be able to afford accommodation on top of everything so we would have to plan it in detail and couchsurf, or possibly camping at airfields. If you decide you want to go international I think you'd have to make your own way back on a big plane with a comfortable seat etc as I won't be able to fly around planet earth more than once. Ultimately I'll be heading back to Australia. No need to start making plans right away because I'm not sure myself where in the world I want to go aside from perhaps seeing a little more of the states but I can do that when I start school there. If you have any thoughts on this maybe you'll have commitments or something. Let me know what you'd like to do.

Keep me updated on the Lou Reed shirt also!!

Ash

Annoying Tenant, coming out.....apparently, beastiality

A suprise party thats cool, they seem big on your continent here and europe I don't think anyone ever does that, I've never had one but thinking on that i'll have to plan something for someone probably my sisters 30th. I'm restarting my grow op again since I'm going to be here for the rest of the year (more like 6 months). My Dad talked me in to staying and because of some loophole I can train on my old medical and start training this week and get back on amphetamines (i'll make another video with the goldfinger helicopter also). The weed never caused the perma-terror it was the amphetamine but it really helps me study and I tolerate it well at the right dose I'm quite sure this time I won't go crazy, now that I'm focused with goals and stuff. Staying out of hospitals and jails this time and if not I'm taking him down with me!! Smoking isn't good though if you know what your doing you should try cooking with it I always seem to mess it up.
I've just been outed.... seemingly anyway. I told you his name wrong please skip along with me to the end of these sentences... he's not Camice but Musab like it matters. When he first came I found him incredibly annoying and rude (our Saudi tenant from melton college). Forever demanding this and that and having me drive him everywhere on one occasion he woke me up because he couldn't get a taxi to catch a train... He then tells me he could have got on a later train. I've just been helping him with his emails, he didn't plan ahead though....oh what fun watching him break out in a sweat all agitated throughout trying to cover up his tones of urgency when he said things like "No not in that folder!!" He broke away breifly for a phone call and I'm fairly certain that among his cornacopia of pornopgraphy..... now I had to close the window by this time.... but I'm sure I saw a horse. He's ok really, I can get on with him at least. The point. He was asking me if I had a girlfreind "No" said I.
"Why not?" I was busy half doing something else... germinating my seeds to be exact, he caught me off guard.
"ummmmm because I happen to not know anyone in York"
"How come?"
"well I went to a private school in somerset and after that I traveled a lot and I don't know what to tell you I generally hate everyone" I use to be kind of an asshole but that was at a time when irony was lost on phyciatrists and well before shows like house made it cool.
"No I think it is because maybee you umm I think maybee it is because you don't like girls" more skipping ahead for the thought process after that because I was trying to give a credible anwser and in all truth I don't really have an answer to that and I don't care to have one either. I'm too old to have that as an issue and I'm sure I have more important things to concern myself with. He backed me in to a corner so I just suggested that he ask me something else "Ahhhhh I knew it!!"
"Well done good for you" In Amsterdam I was getting a lot of hassle from drug pushers in the street and its the same attitude really its a hell of a lot easier just to start speaking spanish and act all confused. " Lo siento pero no hablo ingles mas o mas o mas asi" All of yesterday he kept pointing out girls on the street. I gotta say coming out like this feels really liberating, its a lot less hassle.


xxx Ash

Amsterdam P2 -happy holidays, not gay, more on longevity +exhaustion, a murderer, my purse ect.....

So like news readers do I have to start with also the serious things like last week this guy I use to know killed himself, I can't go in to that in any way because its all complicated, I wasn't surprised to hear that's what had occured. I assumed that was what had happened when I heard thats why its complicated, its different because he was my age a peer, someone I knew he wasn't a grandparent or a hamster. He left a daughter I didn't know about. I hated him so its all very odd to me. So thats all shocking and stuff and so there it happened and its news and the rest here, is my original email start....

yeah there was more stuff.......... serious anticlimax being back at home hoping I'll drown in my tears of boredom. I spent too much money also. Oh yeah that was it we met this character. Tony the sport. I've never seen any of those kind of films, I don't really know what I'm talking about. He appeared out of nowhere and before we had chance to check our pockets this ex US pat from Boston took us on a tour of the red-light district. I can't even tell you how it happened within 5 seconds we all decided he was very charming hands still on our zips sure and mine on what I can't really argue is anything short of a purse. It was and always had been a satchel until I found myself cuing with the women of the group to collect our belongings namely our purses. Am I crazy women's bags are called that right aswell as the money holding thing?
So this Boston guys like "yeah I went to prison for killing this guy asshole forced himself on my disabled friend..... hey Ash man I wouldn't carry your purse around like that keep it at yer front" Part about him claiming to have killed this guy was true "So Alex your after some pussy huh?" See now it was his fault the atmosphere and the drugs I was caught up in the whole thing, I was all outgoing I forgot how that went. "Ok fine I'll go with a girl as a token thing if one of you wants to OK" Was just an impulse thing and then to the realization that I'm actually going through with this. So yeah It all turned out to be pointless and seedy and at some point I got confused or something like its in the male mind as a cultural mean what your purpose is in this role. It never occurred to me I could just fake it. All personal growth learning from what I'm hoping will be closure on adolescently minded misadventures, though I also did learn its bad form to wait
to get your breath back during. Sharing too much? Turns out to my shock I know nothing and I have very serious questions like oh ok yeah no I'm not asking you I'm meeting Jacob Lewis (Reed) in seville turns out he's gonna be there at the same time as me. I'll ask someone, but I don't entirely know what to make of that with myself cause everything I've ever heard is that as guys we have the opposite problem. Because I was mostly joking about that swiss. So that wraps it all up nicely we all gave tony some change ...........

Happy Holidays Gill
Have a fantastic 2009 might see you in it!!


p.s. seriously not gay

end of email /blog ect................

Can't afford a plane and Amsterdam P1

Yeah it does seem like I need every penny for school and I have to wait for the economy to recover. However it would be a fantastic idea if we could find someone who has a plane at an aero club and is looking for an extra pilot and to share the costs. This is gonna be so cool, no waiting around in airports or cueing or being lost. During my study I found out that actually there are stop signs in the sky!! Who knew? Technically though the stop signs are on the ground!!I've just returned from a week in amsterdam, I've never had so much fun!! Couchsurfers let me down mostly so I found a good hostel and thereI found this swiss guy. Was unbeleivably cute being straight sucks. He fell out with his freind because his girlfreind went to him and said how much she wanted him.I was like yeah can you really blame her. (seriously though I will find a pic later) Couldn't go anywhere with him cause girls just pounced. I was in coffeeshop after coffeshop smoking joints all week. The next morning I met Jacob from San Fran. I've never been so clicky right away with anyone well maybee the swiss guy but really I was just lost in his eyes. We had loads in common but the scarey thing was that he is Lou Reed's double. Only 20 but I'm not exagerating even slightly this guy looks just like lou reed he
gets that all the time. All my media is still on my camera (I'll make a movie everything is in HD format even the stills and my computer is too slow and no one yet has blueray). We spent the day together and went to a sex museum not that amazing but very cheap. Then we found this huge protest at a catholic church for pro life pro choice. People had to be dragged away and all the pro lifers where singing hyms and this women had the most fantastic sign that said "GET YOUR ROSARIES OUT OF MY OVARIES!!"
Then we met up with his freinds and for the rest of the evening we egged each other on to go with girls in the red light district. I didn't want to at first but I said I will if someone else does. So Alex and I did so we all waited around 5 min for Alex so then it was my turn and I insisted we all walk back to this window with this exeptionally cute girl that I liked but she was busy with someone else. She wasn't there so I went with the girl next door. It was terrible and everyone was waiting. I couldn't beleive what she said. Its not my fault she was in a weird position.
"What is the problem bb is this your first time?"
If I didn't already know the answer I would have asked the same" No your just really shit at this.... was my take "Wouldn't it be easier if you went on top or something?" She just annoyed me and after 20 min I started to get too tired.
All my freinds were like "Way to go stud.......... what Happened in there?"
"Well she was very rude and in the end I just got too exhausted" They all laughed and thought it was very british of me"

my sister's soundalike, possibly emigrating, rainman and another man problem!!

Hey Gill, (and all on my new mailing list most of whom have probably forgotten who I am)

Thanks for the pictures, I'm envious of your camping van as currently my driving liberties are serverly inhibited by my fathers insufferable unending hints, tips, comments, suggestions and directions. Like the rainman, I swear all the live long day I went to the airfeild to do my airlaw which I passed yey!! Only to be informed that I'm out another 5k as the aircraft I was training in isn't in the right class so now I have to do 35 more hours in a slightly different aircraft so I can fly internationally and proffesionally. Unbelievable, and this guy was showing me around the hangers and in the training aircraft and he unexpectedly said "now turn around!!"
"Ok" Instantly struck was I with familiarity "OMG, its just like that helicopter in Goldfinger "
"It is!!" So I'll have to take a picture next time I'm there. But since theres nothing tying me to England anymore I'm giving serious consideration to emigrating to Australia, I'm sick of my control freak of a father whom If I had an extra pair of hands today would have been at 10-02 around his neck!! Theres absolutley nothing one can say to get him to shut the fuck up endlessly repeating the same shit over and over. I've just got home now and I can hear him arguing with my mum over this I've only just suggested my going to Australia to do my PPL and he's being such a twat his general attitude is well who's going to tie his shoe laces and dress him in the morning. For me to do this bassicaly I'm leasing out my bedroom and if my mum wants to move back there for a short time we could get a lot more for the house as a whole on lease and assuming my dad is still supporting me would be a huge benefit to the funding of my education (he has his own house).
Neway I get home and I answer the phone and its my sister "hey, hellooo" in a personable and casual manner.
"Oh thank fuck its you" and my sister just starts laughing "Oh I get it he's been on to you aswell has he?" more laughing "I've had it up to here!! Whats he been saying?"
"I'm just passing on a message"
"Ha thats halarious, why doesn't he just keep things to himself instead of endlessly obsesivley going on and on and on about the same things over and over and over, god damn rainman!!"
"Camise is coming today" so I thought thats kinda odd Melton College must have left a message with my Dad about leasing the spare room and for some reason he's passed that on to Sarah.
"Mark just pass that message on ok.....to Norma"
Why is she calling mum Norma? "Sarah what are you doing? Sarah............ that is you isn't it?" It was the melton college receptionist!! Sounded just like her and she calls up now and then and over time I've got kinda chatty with her but she knew me as my family name Mark" funny stuff. I'm skipping the man problem thing cause i'm tired but I'll just say that a man should never go commando in baggy karkis around attractive company which in itself is a whole other box of frogs as a topic!! But I already partly covered that in my last email/blog.


Will talk again soon.

Ash xxx