PART 2- THE THERAPUTICAL BENEFITS OF UNLEASHING ANGER

I'm getting very lazy with this blog but anyway SECURITY GUARD RIDING!!

For most of today my mind was empty and I could feel the stress and the shouting was the only thing rising through it, its fucking torture. The thinking I could manage was dark and everytime I thought of Mable (Mable Wheelchair) I cringed and ARGGGHHHHH BREATH BREATH FUCK I'M PISSY ALSO!! Its unbelievably frustrating and i was thinking about If I can trust people and common ground and good manners and how it is that If I've done nothing wrong then why is this still happening to me (in general- nothing to do with Mable) or I must be doing something wrong, so I'm finding I have little to no tolerance anymore to people that willfully and knowingly are rude or disrespectful or don't do the right thing. FUCK 'EM!! NEXT PERSON THAT TRIES TO MUG ME OR CROSSES ME WHEN I CAN BE SURE I DID NOTHING WRONG, I'M GONNA KNOCK THE SHIT OUT OF THEM.....

THIS STATE OF MIND HAPPENED TO BE AN UNFORTUNATE ONE FOR A VERY HOSTILE AND RUDE 6 FOOT SECURITY GUARD. I was busy germinating some special seeds from Nimbin and went to get some tap water leaving somethings not far behind. I returned to find him picking my things up "Oh excuse me those things are mine" I went 50 meters only and he said in a really pissy way "Don't leave your stuff around or otherwise I'll throw it in the bin!!" OH THANKYOU SOOOO MUCH I CANNOT WAIT!!

"YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!! FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING PRICK!!"

"WHAT?" Oh I so enjoyed watching him burning inside mmmm bacon!! Slowing down and repeating the word "Prick" really stoked him. "Right I'm escorting you off the premises"

"FUCK YOU I'm not going anywhere" so he picks up my things and walks off with them

"I'm calling the police!!" so I go to reception and explain what happened, and how unbelievably rude he was to me, he then comes back and tried to man handle me. "GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF ME YOU ILL MANNERED PRICK, I'M HERE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT YOU!!" Apparently you can't swear on state property. At one point I was riding him like a mechanical bull and he fell flat on his face. I warned him once again to get his hands off me, didn't listen!! I snapped and took a huge swing at his face!! "What the fuck is wrong with you, you need to learn some basic manners and treat people with respect!!" Fortunately I missed him oh but I really let rip verbally and it was awesome riding around on his back until he fell on the floor "BULLSHIT I CAN'T SWEAR, FREE SPEECH IS A HUMAN RIGHT!! GIVE ME ETIQUETTE LESSONS YOU FUCKING PRICK!! ONLY THING WORSE THAN AN ASSHOLE COP IS AN ASSHOLE SECURITY GUARD!!" I recommend you try it, its the best fun!!

Security Guard Riding, Mable and whatever the fuck I can get in here and/or remember of Nimbin

     I arrived back in Brisbane a couple of nights ago and during then until now as the back of my brain has been waking up I've slowly been loosing certain faculties such as the ability to control and deal with pointless fucked up emotional troubled thinking, random screaming and loss of motor-control which leads me to conclude that either dexamphetamine  has caused permanent damage to my brain or.... I just don't know or understand, its uncanny how similar it is to the encephalitis outbreak of the 20's. I think its a mild brain swelling I had an ear infection when I was young and I've fucking had enough of the stupidity of the health system here. You wanna see The Wizard of Oz but instead you get some quack pulling leavers. They like to do a lot of work, write many notes and ask lots of questions and forward paper here and there, its just designed for show, the pure illusion of them being very clever and insightful but 3 weeks back I was prepared and ready and all I wanted and all I've ever wanted was a fucking answer some information and insight .... the idea that there's a free health system in this country that meets peoples needs is a myth and contrary to my rights to religious freedom and from behind the curtain pops another FUCKING PSYCHIATRIST!! I won't give up anyway, I will try to an actual scientific doctor which is what I need and deserve because he was a retard...hey but chin up!! I can see a psychotherapist who can give me helpful tips to keep such niggling troubles at bay!! THE GOVERMENT WILL PAY FOR THE FIRST 5 SESSIONS!! Whoopdyfuckingdo. I'm sitting there with my head leaning at a certain weird angle cause its the only way I could keep it steady and focus and what the cunt was saying. Its disgusting I have to fucking live like this, rarley to that degree but I can always feel it, it steals my words and fucks with my breathing and this jam occurs its this vile very brief very violent surge of anger accompanied by screaming.



After I stopped smoking weed it came back, and I was so free, walking and talking fluidly it was great I nearly slept with some guys wife but that tiger was a pussy I felt best left ......un-poked!! I love all those witty mixed metaphors I come up with!! I have so many I should write them down. I nearly fell in love with this other girl.... I mean I know I could cause she made such a strong impression, beautiful and a distinct personality and it was confusing cause she liked me a lot and I never dropped the ball or felt the slightest emotional discomfort when I first met her and I've never felt that way ever, spinning on the end of my finger it was!! The first conversation was so natural, free of pretense, lots of laughing cause that was the main thing at first deliberately asking all the stupid questions that people ask when they first meet. Past that she didn't wanna talk.... much needed role play!! I wanted to talk TALK TALK TALK, lots of talking and an hour in to day 1 of our date "FOR GOD SAKE SAY SOMETHING I DON'T CARE JUST ASK ME A STUPID QUESTION I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!" to which she replied
     "Whats wrong with not talking?" to which I though... well done.... using my own argument against me. So I said that I respected that she may feel she has a reason for not wanting to, I thought she might need time. I was gonna ask if she wanted to go with my freind to pick hongos but realized her wheels weren't really off the road gear.  I'm going to go spend Christmas with her.....she doesn't know it yet cause in fact when I left I seriously fucked it all up.... she couldn't have wheeled away from me faster, I thought she'd at least find it funny if I did this Casablanca parody to say goodbye!! It was an awkward nightmare and I got as far as problems of 2 people, a hill of beans. FOR FUCK SAKE THE BUS WAS RIGHT THERE WAITING for me to depart on but it seriously bombed...I'm not big on expressions but y'know. 
 

END OF PART 1   

-~ -~ NIMBIN -~ -~ and my screenplay!!

-~     -~     !!NIMBIN!! -~       -~

Oh yes Nimbin!! I've had the best time of my life here!! If you don't know Nimbin is the weed capital of Australia and having finally worked out the plot for my screen play, Nimbin is to be fictionalized as the premise. The basic plot is straight forward enough and let me introduce the charactors. Ashton and Mark whom are simular looking brothers. The story begins with The dissapearence of Mark the least academic member of the family. He's off on his travels in Mexico, his gps feeds are no longer tracking him via facebook, he stops responding to emails and all calls go to voice mail. It is revealed by an internet news feed to Mark's family of the finding of a body of a young european male.
    Ashton is a sucessfull and young pilot flying for an airline, he's 2 years older. He's studied hard to get where he is but has lived very little. Ash is sent to find his brother at the last location posted on facebook and comes across a world he didn't expect and a brother he can't relate to anymore and soon comes to realize his younger brother is smarter, infinitely richer and running a boys town, pimping girls and running weed in a hippy community where the police turn a blind eye to everything......... most of the time at least!! Thats Act 1!!

 Ash doesn't warm up to the very very different pace of life or the people nor his brother whom he once pittied has now become a highly sucsesful career criminal. At first he tries to persuade Mark to return home but soon "Bonito Del Pacifo" is casting her spell once again and in this new eutopia he's finding it harder and harder to leave. Mark becomes Mayor and sets out to cover up the murder and seeks vengence on the killer. He just needs a plane and Ash is just the guy to throw money at!! Ashton gets involved in this awesome scene with this girl called Jasmin who for this I will change to Jasmina..... MAN ALIVE!! oh I mean wow she was in hot pants and we flirted outragously all night. She kissed my hand goodnight its the most I've got in a while. Ok well joints to roll so will finish up here for now and I'm not sure yet how it ends but basically this whole thing of building a flying car like the one I'm gonna build so I might have to wait and build it and then film it or I do computer graphics. It ends in a romantic depature probably and if I still have space for a "Gillian" Charactor I'll do that too. Its mostly a comedy drama.
     

A twinkly eyed fucker... but no pig.

rather late will compose story in morning

Harry's Circumcision- A skateboard accident and my hair.

And its not even midday. Ow ow ow ow oooooooowww.

Yes as misadventures go. This time I misadventured down a very steep hill.......on a skateboard. It was such a crap accident to have, yknow cause you trip on something and fall over its a sudden oh fuckin hell... its not a fun experience but this was more of a slow realization that no I'm not really in control anymore....oooh this is worrying .....oh no theres not going to be any kind of happy outcome here..... no no I'm just going faster turning like a snake isn't going to save me. 10 seconds later I think....probably better to fall of it at the slowest speed possible and before hitting that T junction. So it was a weird oh for fuck sake long drawn out and painfull dismounting of the skateboard whereby I fell backwards and didn't slide along the ground on my butt like I had dissmally hoped for but more bounced  off my ass, my elbow and then finally my chin......the end of all illusion....I've always wanted a dimple!! Cause like Harry (In the Lou Reed track) I was looking at myself in the mirror but thinking WOW FUCK YEAH.......I'm pretty :) I'm a pretty boy!! FINALLY my skin looks amazing!! Cause my skin has always been an issue cause of acne and a couple of weeks back I was having seriously stupid impulsive....Howard Hughes kinda thinking, crazy obsessive self-mutilations but I was on too much amphetamine, sure wakes you up in the morning but then I couldn't leave the fricken bathroom for the rest of the day!!...I turned it in to a laboratory with every goddam product I could use... "I'm not paying 500 dollars to put acid on my face!!"  ......I mean I researched it properly and stuff and I know what to expect but still before it all peeled away I spent a whole week crying "Oh what the fuck have I done". I spent three years trying to get rid of an ingrowing hair on my chin "YOU LITTLE FUCKER!!" Lots of blood and swelling its fucking crazy being in that frame of mind cause I outgrew quite severe OCD and sometimes even still I can't stop these crazy thoughts that just won't shut the fuck up.  Everything was nicely healing and after 3 months of hairdressing indecision, I don't know how I did it but I pulled through TO PERFECTION.... cause its difficult and stressfull getting to college on time AND keeping the hair out of your face. What did you say?.... well I'm sure it was fucking halarious but my hair was too busy caressing my eyes until I wanted to fuuuucking PUNCH YOU!! Just because. Its a commitment you spend a whole fucking year growing it and tell you self look its cool your only about another month away from a hairband.... and my whole life arguing with my family about washing your hair. Wash your hair wash your hair...and tv adverts...Wash and Go.... the shampoo and conditioner are in THE SAME FUCKING BOTTLE!! What a revolution that was until 5 years later with the crazy out of the box thinking of shampoo solo. Cause I grew up incredibly envious and perhaps admittidley infatuated with Leonardo Decaprio (more with his eyes than his hair)... now lets not read too much in to that.... y'know... Kate Winslet looks too much like a chicken naked....and without his shirt on ..... nothing to do with being bisexual..... just saying that I'm honest!! Everyones the same really I'm sure. Not that I'm opening this up to conversation but sureley in a general way people like to look at... things that are attractive. Its not a sexuality spectrum as much as its a prettyness spectrum. It just so happens that in this instance Decaprio easily wins that contest just ask your freinds male or female, cause I'm sure lots of guys would be defensive....... but really I bet they think the same.   
SCENE IS 30 SECONDS IN.


     Y'know in Titanic he doesn't throw his paintbrush down and ask Rose for a scrunchy. The best I could ever do is be his double, in the water holding on to Rose on the floating door cause wet hair is the only kind that behaves! Such feelings of isolation and that other word I forget..cause I'm the only one...cause sureley clean hair is nicer and why am I the only one with a bizzare hair syndrome that when I wash it y'know the shampoo first then the conditioner JUST AS SOCIETY AND TELEVISION DICTATES that every fucking hair is shiny, directionless and repelled by itself! Every fucking shelf in the hair department of all supermarkets I've been in to all these shampoo ..and I don't care if there in the same bottle or not anymore ....as long as theres no FUCKING VOLUMIZER!! "Mum I can't wash my hair because its retarded hair....I'm alone in the world because there never going to come out with Wash and Go whatever the fuck we're doing with it now shampoo whatever voluMINIMIZER!!" But I was wrong cause I remember wanting to look in to this hair prophet that had come to save us all. A Mr. John Freida..... yeah yeah yeah like every lie I've been told god damn snake oil!! but I kept thinking about it for the last decade. I remember it was on the radio some amazing new chemical, no product like it ever!! I didn't really take note cause it was hair straightening and well my hairs already straight and they marketed it as anti-frizz. At the time I hadn't self-diagnosed myself with frizz....probably not for me....What I have is more Phuuuaww!! Poof!! Fluwamp!! So I bought some last week!!   
             SO THIS MORNING YES FUCKING YES YES YES I'VE DONE IT I HAVE LEONARDO DECAPRIO'S HAIR!! And no longer do I have his skin and his mental illness from when he was in the Aviator!! Its blonde and flowing and magestic and I don't look like hitler when I part it!! So off to the bank I went today on my skateboard and I'll continue this later as I need the bathroom and I have to go out.

Continued......

So I'm on my skateboard

The people of the west end are an eclectic mix. It's a mixture of charity shops, cafes, bars the occasional magic shop. The government like to house people on Auscare there. Shwooosh .... down to the bank. I see this guy sipping a late "Got any change?"
"Sure" so I sat down "Got a cigarette?" .... didn't have to wait too long to figure that he's one of societies brave soldiers on Auzcare no doubt.
"Can I just say..... I think your very beutiful!!"
"Oh thanks I was just thinking that!!" well he seems pretty tuned in, SEE THERES PROOF OF WHAT I MEAN!! Yeah strangley highly cognitive aside from the intermitant senceless mumbling. He was telling me how great his Dad was but there relationship had broken down... then more mumbling to self.....then he showed me a picture of this little boy "Oh is that your son?"
     "No its me!!" And the change I gave him he left as a tip!!
THEN I fell of my skateboard luckily outside a doctors surgery. He removed a big chunk of flesh from my chin and sowed me up. Later on someone thought I was concouised and a whole phyc team whisked me away in an ambulance OH IT WAS JUST LIKE HOUSE!! I had lots of fun. Cause I was late to my appointment trying to find my Titanic clip and I took advantage of my accident. I kept explaining I wasn't concouised and that I hadn't slept all night. The paramedics thought I was high and I couldn't convince them otherwise. What a fun day.
    

There's a light. Death Wish.

So I'll just skip though the first part and then I have a video tour of my new lodgings. Ok so before I moved here I was couchsurfing. I ended up on Mcleay Island. Awesome place, a really nice resturant there, I'll take you its my treat. I stayed with a photographer and he does very well photographing glamour model type women like you see in those magazines where they airbrush away all sense of character and you think thats not skin she's a....car or something...she's made of something shiny. Theres act one. I had some food and a bath and I didn't wanna impose as my circumstances were no longer as dire so I ..oohh and he picks me up on this motorbike wizing around the island...who cares...so I made my way back to the ferry, my phone was running low and he drew me a map so at 10pm I made my way....where the fuck am I? No streets written on the map I'm moving like a knight on a chessboard and theres landmarks written on it theres a church and a golf course and something else. I zig zap I follow the coast around and anyway the last ferry got canceled. I ran out of phone power calling my parents in england to find the correct time. Why didn't I bring that fucking charger...because your only going for a night and you don't need it ...idiot!! Well I'll just have to take him up on the offer. Right!! I get lost..I have the map the wrong way... I can only remember the street name. I can't decide which side of the golf course I'm on. By now its past midnight and I knock on doors apologising and I then I got lost again its now 3am...shit I'm gonna have to wake him...its starts raining....ahh fuck the map its too wet anyway!! 20 min later I think maybee I should go find that map. I think to knock on a another house but I can't find one and then suddenly I see something of inspiration and I ever so quietly break in to song....

I like that song a lot. It was all really spooky and I see this women ..she musn't have seen me because she's at the window busy looking for the pull chord to the blinds......but its really fucking weird because I'm now standing directly in front of her she still hasn't seen me!! I'm just waiting for an appropriate time to not scare the shit out of her..y'know 3 in the dead of night you glance through your window and see a rain soaked stranger just stood there. Then I'm seriously freaked out because now she's looking straight through me......WHAT THE FUCK I DROWNED AT THE BEACH.....GOT STUNG FATALY BY A BOX JELLY FISH....... Maybee she has sight issues....and then these words... that I'll never forget cause its as iconic as...."But you don't have to go with me!!"..........................."whoever you are go away!!" What? I haven't even made eye contact with you yet. She gave me a map after I apologised for the singing....didn't have a nokia charger. SO I find it its a very small street and his house has dissapeared...couldn't find anything that I knew I should recgonize like the stairs that and the gate I hear a wistling... so I wistle SOS but it turns out that was an owl......then to qoute Billy Connelly "Never trust a man that when left alone in a room by himself with a tea cosy doesn't try it on!!" Cause I noticed how very quiet and isolated it was.... certainly not cold....half an hour ago I thought I was a ghost time to live a little....I put on my birthday suit and walked around like that for most of the way back to the ferry even past the church on the hill which disproved the whole eve, the apple and the talking snake story cause I felt no shame!! ANyway ACT 3. After a long night the early morning ferry arrived and I go in to my bag to put my stuff back in my pockets..........oh heres my phone charger!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Death Wish

I found a guy who hadn't tried to run me over on his way to the ferry who showed me the way.. he was walking...back on the mainland I offer him a lift cause it seems fun and spontaneous thing to do, you know cause I wanna live in a world where people can be like that. He was ok and all but must learn to stop wanting to trust that it can be.....because there is of course a lot of fuckheads..... people with serious personality disorders... I was watching this reality traffic cop show today in fact and one would think well I suppose yeah people can be that fucked in the head...on television sure. These 40 year old twin women got kicked of a bus and instead of getting the next one like they were instructed they decided to walk on the motorway for the rest of the way. Well thats odd and yes they certainly haven't got there best thinking caps on. But what is so strange and random was that they both decide to kill themselves and run in front of traffic. Police turn up with a BBC camera man, its really unbelievable to watch cause they keep bouncing of the roofs of cars getting up and punching the officers and going at it again until one of them is critically injured after being run over by a truck. The other one goes to live in london while her sister spends 3 months in hospital. They never found out what was going on with them both but the girl in London makes freinds with this guy and murders him with a hammer.

Well I'm going for a smoke...what a crazy story. I go to my car put on some music and a group of young people came up to me and asked me for a lift to the gold coast.... its 2 hours away...kinda like florida mostly theme parks. "Get in were going to the gold coast...where next Sydney?" Had a bad feeling about them y'know.....they seemed to lack any sence of anything good like a concsience or I don't know.. somewhat phycopathic... and this moron in the passenger seats a fucking idiot and can't move the adjust the seat. 5 of them got in, one on the floor. All this shitty hippity hoppity you all you niggers out there...I'm gonna stab him and take his gold chain music bullshit. I'm not watching television anymore and yet I hear the car door open. "I wanna see my mum" I'm doing 110km an hour with the car door open and his girlfreind screaming and crying as everyone tries to pull him pack in the car. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING" she's screaming and crying and I pull over he gets out and walks off down the motorway. THey go after him and he keeps running in front of the fucking traffic!! I drop them off anyway and they fucking me on the petrol lucky to have made it back here with the fuel light on. One of the girls comes back and says look I'm really worried about your safety he has a knife and he wants to kill you, just drive off ok and wind up your windows.......what on earth......its not like the whole please give me some money for petrol argument got heated I just felt.. disappointed or something. Thats probably the most unbeleivable thing that has ever happened to me so anyway thats that and this is where I live now.

Call Me Shrek

Its been an interesting week........apparently I can't live with anyone.......I was running a little short on money so I decided to to go live in a swamp under a bridge. FUCK ME!! What an experience, cause it was dark and cold and I was there with all the posessions I had in the world. Just like in New York "I was wearing my suitcase" I rolled my very last joint and then I thought hmmmm I should light a fire to stay warm, hey what will the police do its an act of survival!! At least in Prison I can eat. "Wheres my god damn car can't I afford it yet?"...." Well I've never made a camp fire before so lets give it ago" NOW REMEMBER I SAID IT WAS DARK!! So I get this fire roaring away and fuck me I never ran so fast in my life ...I look up and see a caution sign big red sign CAUTION HIGH PRESSURE FLAMMABLE GAS LINES RUN BENEATH!! So that night I didn't sleep at all well due to the cold that is I did move I'm not t hat stupid!! College...means I might have to rely on the stat test to get to Uni in the coming months. Would much rather have a backup plan. So neway the next morning I hadn't slept and I stank of burning wood, thankfully someone let me make a call and I called up some freinds who put me up for the weekend until my money came in. I HAVE MY CAR NOW!! YEY!! But I ate all my ration cookies all at once and then threw up. I'm seriously screwed!! All my eggs are in one basked with an advance loan of $500 charged at 40% and I have to put my car down as an asset. So I live in my car for now until the 23rd, the fuel light has been on the last 10 k, I was freaking out all day I left my shoes at manly and had to drive back barley made it back to apply for the loan, I have free internet at the library though. It l be approved. Otherwise anychance I can borrow some food money? I'm very hesitant to ask not sure if I'm serious. My sister said no....I hate her...not really. Don't want my parents to know about my fiscal situation. I'm gonna try couch surfing hopefully I can find someone to adopt me the the next fortnight. I just want food god damn it!! HUNGRY!! y tengo demasiado hambre!! Oh well thats my story and I've decided that I'm gonna geta 200 dollar a week bachalor pad all to myself. I'm tired of living in flats with people that leave notes "Whoever took my beans the beans that were labeled mine and put on my shelf please replace them and make sure that the bin in future is left out in the bin area it is marked 'Bins'. Yes I'm gonna find a flat of my own. Later.

Dejavu?

Much has happened and as usual most of it will end up in my mind a fragmented abstract. I know of reality...... its this thing that one has to have some awareness of in order for there to be effective determination of incidents because otherwise reality is a loan shark insisting he's neither a blood bank or a tooth fairy and the next installment of many is still outstanding.
After insisting in this metaphor that he limbers up, stretch and takes a few paces back before kicking me in the testicles as hard as possible, I think I exhausted him. All I know is that when I regained consciousness he left. 3 weeks prior....
"Look I will have to talk to you later" For fuck sake I only have 15 min!! Shut the fuck up and hang up.
"......and I live by myself and its a quiet neighborhood" I'm lucky I made it to the airport at all, a friend gave me a lift to the station.
"Sorry about this Courtney" I mouthed. The bitch took about 5 minutes of it. So it was a very random and brief chat and I was just trying to keep it together, trying to not seem so distracted will the stresses of the day, worrying about exams, having money and a place to live while commuting 4 hours everyday on public transport after saying a Mr Bean farewell to my Toyota Camry. I could live easier and happier with a prosthetic leg than without that car.
"So how come you were strip searched?" I explained that despite the passage of 4 years, how stressful and emotionally fucked car problems are when trying to get to an airport by a deadline when trying to meet a member of the Worsley family. Aside from her practically being your lesbian twin. The only other difference was the country and the legality of the amphetamine I was on. Please forgive, its about synthesis in writing..... its also funny and true. I suggested she read the blog and then I tried to explain how its come to be that its also this thing I write to you. I don't know it just is because its The Misadventures of Ash and I began writing it after meeting you.
After moving in with the very chatty lady despite not killing her dog she decided my remaining there wasn't going to work out. I really did make an effort but what was I thinking? Its just not acceptable that my text woke her up at 10pm of an evening to let her know I was stranded in the city at an internet cafe finishing an assignment. That I couldn't get back until 3am. "You were stumbling around my kitchen, like a bumblebee on a hot day. Are you on drugs? Its my house I have a right to know!!"
ARRRGGHHH!! FUCKING HELL!! I'm gonna need a professional to come and collect me "I've always depended on the kindness of strangers" Rubber walls for me. I couldn't fucking believe it she's quoting the departing words I had with the last landlady.
I didn't think I could write this post, y'know its all very la la la medication time!!I'm not on drugs(aside from the dexamphetamine)!! I don't sleep walk!! I didn't kill anyone's dog!! Instead of calling a retreat that bulk bills, I called another advert. A woman called Patsy picked me up within the hour reeking of pot. "Don't you worry, she's crazy" Wasn't reassured in the slightest. I clean up after myself like a neurotic raccoon still, never have I met anyone like her she's completely awesome. After 6 months its likely to be a while before I uncoil , but after completing the first semester ; finally I wind up in a house with a pool with a women who grows her own "One for the driver!!" Where have you been all my life?I then found a dirt cheap mechanic and transmission and I got my fucking car back!! Everything right now is more or less.......nahhh screw saying that, it'll jinx it.

Ash

When Ash met Courtney

Its too late right now just wanted to get it posted and finished. Along the lines of brief meeting....interesting observations...difficult questions.... talking about this blog and then finish with general update.

Tim Curry and The House of Ennui

And Finally I begin my update!!

The last few months have been very trying. I seriously hate it here. My soul has had a for sale sign for a long long time now. A career in aviation and a one way ticket back to Europe for one soul. Hardly ever used.
I tried for meaning. I got a car and a place to live. The car is pretty cool. On the way back from Mount Tamborine, I shared it with a hitchhiker. The only other person I shared it with was someone who wanted me to loan him money for heroin. This guy called Lois in my English class from Chile. I impressed him with my mastery of the Spanish language. He wanted me to skip class and give him a lift. I hadn't spoken to him that much so I asked him. "Por que es muy importante para ti salir de aqui a hora mismo?" I understood his response as he had to go to court. He was begging his girlfreind on his phone not to leave him. Kept asking me about my financial situation and what days did I get paid my student benefits. "Do you do drugs?"
"Why, are you dealing?" He gave me some Valium, interesting for sure, might get that on prescription for exam nerves. Turns out the point of the journey was to meet some guy to buy heroin. He told me his father was dead and he was due some money and could I lone him a couple of hundred dollars. I said no. Probably a lie he talked of meeting his father later on. I was off my face on Valium and he was shooting up. I played the VU song and I was like "Huh? Huh?" He wasn't impressed. He wants to house hunt with me. I could become fluent in Spanish though he'd probably steal from me for drugs. As soon as he sat down next to me I instinctively thought "Predator, User"
I had moved in originally with friends of my family and they had offered to host me as a favor. Still made me pay rent. I'm used to squalor now, I gave up trying to find somewhere nice. Th dogs there kept crapping on my bed. Crap all through the garden. After a month and a half of emailing people on Craigslist in my spare time and getting fucking nowhere and having to move back when those fuckheads set fire to the toad, they began hinting that it was time for me to move on. I thought I got a break when I moved in with this guy.


Uncanny or what?

As soon as I brought it up he said yes yes I get that all the time. A female freind of his had him dress up as the character he plays in rocky horror for a fancy dress party. I would have paid money!! I was blown away completely. He was a bit anal, being an arse I thought, don't need to be told to stay out of other peoples bedrooms and stuff. When I took the picture above he was a bit put off. "What are you doing?" I'm taking a picture so I can send it to people who don't believe my landlord is Tim Curries exact double. I was trying to be affable but he didn't warm up to me at all. I was trying hard not to be nervous a lot and then I shouted "Fuuuck" and when I explained he said "Oh is that a real condition? I thought they made it up in Deuce Bigalow. You didn't tell me about that in your 'reseme' ". He was really suspicious and he would lay traps to stop you going through his mail. This girl who lived there seemed to be kinda close to him. I found that kinda creepy. A young girl going out with Tim Curry of all people who just happens to have all this money. I cooked for everyone and made this really nice seafood and white wine sauce spaghetti pasta. "Anyone wanna finish this wine?" I sat down with them while drinking the rest of the wine "Oh its uncanny!! Wheres my iPhone!!" I don't really remember much detail after that. I respectfully said goodnight I went upstairs in the lounge area and had a nap on the couch.......I wouldn't call it passing out. I woke up on my inflatable Lilo (The room wasn't furnished and I hadn't yet bought a bed) Well thats fucking weird, I thought I don't quite know how I ended up here!! On my way back from the bathroom there's a not on my door. "Call Giles" (Tim Curry) He probably wants to know my full name or something for the contract.
"Hey Giles can I errghh help?"
"Yeah I need to talk to you about last night. About you coming in to my room?"I didn't have opportunity to respond I wasn't sure I heard him. My subconscious was trying to tell me something, but I couldn't remember what. Do I remember this? I asked myself. I think I might have opened a door by mistake no no that was the bathroom door... that was yesterday or something..... I thought I had a dream where.... "I talked to you about the ground rules...yada yada" I kinda remembered it but I wasn't sure but he made out I had gone in his bedroom. I remember being out on the balcony in the middle of the night and there were 2 sliding doors and I accidentally opened his by mistake instead of the one that goes to the lounge. Arsehole asked me to leave!!
All in all nothing positive has happened, I'm doing reasonably well academically getting credit level in most things. I want recognition for prior learning and a diploma in Spanish, It seems I'm well on course for University. I study most days and I'm mostly by myself and its killing me, its a terrible and senseless nightmare I never seem to be able to wake from. I wanna feel close to people but I keep getting screwed over. I'm fearful of loosing more time and opportunity to grow and be me, without loneliness and loosing trust in people who can be incredibly fuck-headed at times. I wanna be happy and feel alive and at peace with the world and its frightening to always be under water permanently when all you wanna do is breathe the air. To be young has to mean something.
That weekend I was very distraught, my nerves were very bad and I was driving around figuring out what I should do. I had a test coming up and I had no chance to be able to study for it at all. I finally decided to visit my parents friends hoping my "Auntie Tina" would hug me and everyone would rally around and nurture me. I turned up acting kinda strange and not making much sense, I was worried I was imposing and I was over reacting to everything. I got on Craigslist and called my Dad for moral support. I stayed the night and had arranged to find some temporary accommodation and was to meet some people at an address in the morning. There's a computer you can use and wifi, your room has its own desk. Fuck my soul I thought, its temporary and I can search for an ideal later.
In the morning I drove to this incredibly dreary suburb, a place that summises everything I loath about Australia, I can't imagine why anyone would want to waste a moment of there lives here, to be proud and excited about a 2 fucking billion $ tunnel so that people can get from one subway sandwich shop to another without going over the river. What an uninspiring wasteland, a sterile promontory of shopping centers, roads and eucalyptus trees. Populated by hillbillies. Let me introduce you!!

This is Colin, 50+

Colin is a man of the theater, and somewhere around will be his cat "Audrey Hepburn" also referred to as "you little rat bag!!" or more commonly "My love child"


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Colin takes great pride in his fund-raising activities for charity mainly designing costumes and performing in Drag.

He is sitting here with Jean, a woman whose life he once saved...I forget the story. Jean is a telegram fairy whose passions include, collecting frogs, knitting, sewing and baking to name a few

Yes here is Collin preparing for his Easter gathering. I helped blow up lots of balloons, he threw the house out of the window as the Colombians say. It was very good and I was a little worried I was gonna be the party Pinata.......that all his male friends would hit on me being the eye candy that I am. I tried talking to some people, but I quickly lost interest especially with one couple, they said they were making plans to move permanently to New Zealand. They weren't old or anything. They were both relatively young. Yes yes its very nice with the mountains and endless nothingness. Try a couple 100 Km west there's fuck all there too!! I have all of Europe to choose from, fucking Amsterdam and Rome, and all the beautiful Spanish cities and towns and Italy and color and architecture and you morons wanna live in New Zealand? I call it the House of Ennui because they're all very dark really, tragic lives and wasted souls.

GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE

Oh I am so mad and so discusted. Have no choice now but to sneek away tommorow morning. Was gonna continue with my first post with things I missed. My car is blocked in until tommorow. Everything was going pretty good the conversation was flowing.... Lots to talk about ..... I was kinda drunk. Let me update here. I packed up all my stuff ... Moved out said an awkward goodbye to everyone. Now I'm fucking livid!!!
I can't even repeat what happened. I don't wanna upset anyone, aka Gillian and I forget who else. This fucking cunt called callen his boyfreind and Naden's boyfreind spotted a cane toad. I don't wanna go in to details but despite my protests they all decided to catch it and burn it alive. It was the most sickening thing I have ever seen. I get that it's a pest but these retards thought it was justified to vilify it because of that and this bitch nadine was ecxited at what she was doing. I'm calling whoever animal protection is here in the morning. No way I'm I gonna be living with these people. Sorry that there's nothing positive in this post.

Explaining copraphilia, heroin addicts, an efatic dork

What a week. Have become very dedicated to my schoolwork and the gym. The idea is I go in the mornings and It gets me going and wakes me up so that I'm ready for anything. It's a hard compromise to figure because I'm on a calorie restricted diet, I intake 2/3 less than most people at around only 500 a day, its a life long commitment in an attempt at retarding the ageing process. I have to keep up on vitamins and nutrients. Pharmacutical grade is no good because the molecular structure isn't complete, so need lots of fruit and veg drinks and none fat milk with witch I mix whey protien. I eat a carb packed breakfast. I then go to the gym, run on the treadmill burn off 100 cal. I then push, pull and lift lots of heavy things, then finish off with a nice leasurley swim under the Brisbane sun before hitting the showers. Then I'm fucked for the rest of the day and can barely function at all. I'm sick of people talking bollocks!! Pish!! Had no choice but to ignore Ellen, dancing is very light Excersize. Can only make it through the day on energy drinks. Already have auto-immune issues like excema and asthma and that recent jab for India has had me suffercating and tearing my arms apart at night. Don't want my body attacking it's own insulin aswell. Friends I'm staying with don't know about my shouting, had no issue for a while now, and I thought, see!! My parents stressing me out at home!! After all these sugary caffiene enriched drinks and everyones watching telly and suddenly I say "FUHHHHH" don't know why but the k is always missing. So far no opportunity to explain to them.
I'm moving out anyway as I found some people to live with in the cafe district of Morningside and Bulimba. It's ok I suppose. Didn't know how to go about house-hunting and was scared I'd act like a twat. Very sexy girl and this gay guy. They have names too. Went to visit there "cute" one level queenslander and we got on well straight away. " One other thing erggggh do you take drugs?" what a fucking flagrant question I thought considering how much they drink. " We can't really tolerate that you see" wanted to slap her so hard but I let it go, lied and said no. I think they noticed the pause before I answered though. Hence the slightly awkward laughter.