Yes as misadventures go. This time I misadventured down a very steep hill.......on a skateboard. It was such a crap accident to have, yknow cause you trip on something and fall over its a sudden oh fuckin hell... its not a fun experience but this was more of a slow realization that no I'm not really in control anymore....oooh this is worrying .....oh no theres not going to be any kind of happy outcome here..... no no I'm just going faster turning like a snake isn't going to save me. 10 seconds later I think....probably better to fall of it at the slowest speed possible and before hitting that T junction. So it was a weird oh for fuck sake long drawn out and painfull dismounting of the skateboard whereby I fell backwards and didn't slide along the ground on my butt like I had dissmally hoped for but more bounced off my ass, my elbow and then finally my chin......the end of all illusion....I've always wanted a dimple!! Cause like Harry (In the Lou Reed track) I was looking at myself in the mirror but thinking WOW FUCK YEAH.......I'm pretty :) I'm a pretty boy!! FINALLY my skin looks amazing!! Cause my skin has always been an issue cause of acne and a couple of weeks back I was having seriously stupid impulsive....Howard Hughes kinda thinking, crazy obsessive self-mutilations but I was on too much amphetamine, sure wakes you up in the morning but then I couldn't leave the fricken bathroom for the rest of the day!!...I turned it in to a laboratory with every goddam product I could use... "I'm not paying 500 dollars to put acid on my face!!" ......I mean I researched it properly and stuff and I know what to expect but still before it all peeled away I spent a whole week crying "Oh what the fuck have I done". I spent three years trying to get rid of an ingrowing hair on my chin "YOU LITTLE FUCKER!!" Lots of blood and swelling its fucking crazy being in that frame of mind cause I outgrew quite severe OCD and sometimes even still I can't stop these crazy thoughts that just won't shut the fuck up. Everything was nicely healing and after 3 months of hairdressing indecision, I don't know how I did it but I pulled through TO PERFECTION.... cause its difficult and stressfull getting to college on time AND keeping the hair out of your face. What did you say?.... well I'm sure it was fucking halarious but my hair was too busy caressing my eyes until I wanted to fuuuucking PUNCH YOU!! Just because. Its a commitment you spend a whole fucking year growing it and tell you self look its cool your only about another month away from a hairband.... and my whole life arguing with my family about washing your hair. Wash your hair wash your hair...and tv adverts...Wash and Go.... the shampoo and conditioner are in THE SAME FUCKING BOTTLE!! What a revolution that was until 5 years later with the crazy out of the box thinking of shampoo solo. Cause I grew up incredibly envious and perhaps admittidley infatuated with Leonardo Decaprio (more with his eyes than his hair)... now lets not read too much in to that.... y'know... Kate Winslet looks too much like a chicken naked....and without his shirt on ..... nothing to do with being bisexual..... just saying that I'm honest!! Everyones the same really I'm sure. Not that I'm opening this up to conversation but sureley in a general way people like to look at... things that are attractive. Its not a sexuality spectrum as much as its a prettyness spectrum. It just so happens that in this instance Decaprio easily wins that contest just ask your freinds male or female, cause I'm sure lots of guys would be defensive....... but really I bet they think the same.
SCENE IS 30 SECONDS IN.
Y'know in Titanic he doesn't throw his paintbrush down and ask Rose for a scrunchy. The best I could ever do is be his double, in the water holding on to Rose on the floating door cause wet hair is the only kind that behaves! Such feelings of isolation and that other word I forget..cause I'm the only one...cause sureley clean hair is nicer and why am I the only one with a bizzare hair syndrome that when I wash it y'know the shampoo first then the conditioner JUST AS SOCIETY AND TELEVISION DICTATES that every fucking hair is shiny, directionless and repelled by itself! Every fucking shelf in the hair department of all supermarkets I've been in to all these shampoo ..and I don't care if there in the same bottle or not anymore ....as long as theres no FUCKING VOLUMIZER!! "Mum I can't wash my hair because its retarded hair....I'm alone in the world because there never going to come out with Wash and Go whatever the fuck we're doing with it now shampoo whatever voluMINIMIZER!!" But I was wrong cause I remember wanting to look in to this hair prophet that had come to save us all. A Mr. John Freida..... yeah yeah yeah like every lie I've been told god damn snake oil!! but I kept thinking about it for the last decade. I remember it was on the radio some amazing new chemical, no product like it ever!! I didn't really take note cause it was hair straightening and well my hairs already straight and they marketed it as anti-frizz. At the time I hadn't self-diagnosed myself with frizz....probably not for me....What I have is more Phuuuaww!! Poof!! Fluwamp!! So I bought some last week!!
SO THIS MORNING YES FUCKING YES YES YES I'VE DONE IT I HAVE LEONARDO DECAPRIO'S HAIR!! And no longer do I have his skin and his mental illness from when he was in the Aviator!! Its blonde and flowing and magestic and I don't look like hitler when I part it!! So off to the bank I went today on my skateboard and I'll continue this later as I need the bathroom and I have to go out.
Continued......
So I'm on my skateboard
The people of the west end are an eclectic mix. It's a mixture of charity shops, cafes, bars the occasional magic shop. The government like to house people on Auscare there. Shwooosh .... down to the bank. I see this guy sipping a late "Got any change?""Sure" so I sat down "Got a cigarette?" .... didn't have to wait too long to figure that he's one of societies brave soldiers on Auzcare no doubt.
"Can I just say..... I think your very beutiful!!"
"Oh thanks I was just thinking that!!" well he seems pretty tuned in, SEE THERES PROOF OF WHAT I MEAN!! Yeah strangley highly cognitive aside from the intermitant senceless mumbling. He was telling me how great his Dad was but there relationship had broken down... then more mumbling to self.....then he showed me a picture of this little boy "Oh is that your son?"
"No its me!!" And the change I gave him he left as a tip!!
THEN I fell of my skateboard luckily outside a doctors surgery. He removed a big chunk of flesh from my chin and sowed me up. Later on someone thought I was concouised and a whole phyc team whisked me away in an ambulance OH IT WAS JUST LIKE HOUSE!! I had lots of fun. Cause I was late to my appointment trying to find my Titanic clip and I took advantage of my accident. I kept explaining I wasn't concouised and that I hadn't slept all night. The paramedics thought I was high and I couldn't convince them otherwise. What a fun day.
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