mozart and thermo-sence dreams

Being off medication is an unending nightmare for me. I'm totally screwed I can't sit still without swaying back and fourth. I've taken to chewing gum in hopes of being able to concentrate and cutting down on my need to sway, If I cut down on either i'm liable to keep screaming unexpectidly. Mozart had the same problem with his tourettes but I'm fucked cause I can't play a piano I have no choice but to sway or chew or scream or when trying to go to sleep at night ... Nooooo!! ...... No not that, I'll never learn to play the piano as a blind person... but my legs take on some of the burden and do there own thing. Cuts down on the shouting!! Its all very frustrating and I'm not sure if I can go solo or not on medication. Love how the Nazis are still in power at the Joint Aviation Authority. If I have the option I'm not going to take this bullshit, its no life like this.
Sleeping has become surreal beyond belief, theres all these celebrities, last night I was a charactor in a horror film and you were in it. I was meeting you for some reason and we were on a small island in a cinema and the owner was crazy and wanted to kill us so I had to rescue you and at the begining of act 2 you turned in to Winny Cooper from the Wonder Years and for some reason you weren't talking to me. Its a very physical and visual realm, it all goes dark now and then and I can't run very fast like running through treacle and if I go to sleep with my legs crossed I tend to limp, but theres these periods where its soo so real and I find myself recalling the most obscure detail all the branches and landmarks looked exactly the same as places I've been. I went to my old house as a child where I grew up said hello to the new owners. They did a really bad job on an extension with one tiny little window. I didn't recognize his wife (she answered the door) but as soon as I saw her husband!! He looked ten years older. They invited me in, I thought they were quite rude had a very nochelent attitude towards me. Unbeleivable I had just run through the entire village limping AND it was snowing but thankfully I had no thermosence. That would be a nightmare especially if you had just got in to a nice warm bed before nodding off in to dream world and your stood there in the snow trying to dream up some mittens and a scarf.
As for the t-shirt thing I wasn't sure what you meant about copyright and putting a link on your website. I think if you wanted to do another design it would be a great idea, you should do as you see fit. The original is in my picassa web album. Here is a HD video of my current training school.

great escape, bewildered cat, getting a plane!!

Finally I've moved out of my old room in my parents house......... to another room in my parents house. For my mum to lease out an extra room we had to swap so she can access the heating control. I'll be moving to my dads spare room as soon as she finds some tenants, its been a nightmare getting her to do this. Its probably what made me crack up in the end (when I went to jail) I've spent the last 2 years getting her to do this, I only get ridiculous excuses and she keeps going back on what she says she'll do every couple of months the arguments were getting pretty horrific, with me screaming "Your the enabler!! Your the enabler!!" etc. Trying to escape this house where I've spent the last 15 years its been a nightmare, all those hours I spent walking around the garden with pockets full of dirt...... avoiding spot lights..... on a motorbike....almost made it over the wire fence etc. All day today while she was at work I've been hoovering and moving furniture wardrobes, washing machines, beds, vanity units. My cat was a little confused "Am I moving or weeing on more furnituree?" was the look it gave me and like cats do it fucked of in the end.......... but my mother!!........ "I SAID I'D GET TOO IT!!" she ex....ploded!!... On her return. We fought over a mattress as she tried dragging it back to her old room. The cat came back.... it just sighed.... "Fine I'll come back later" after another lengthy argument and more "Your the enabler!!" She saw reason in the end and within the hour it was finished with. Anyway this means something fantastic!!
At the end of this year I think I'll be able to afford a share in a plane!! Have to live like a church mouse but I can do it and get a really nice 4 seater too!! After doing the math again I'm sure its within my means assuming I can get the time in a syndicate to do an around the world trip. How awesome would that be? I'm estimating (not sure how well) I can get this underway from August to January. Hope to have emigrated to Australia (haven't decided where yet) by August, then need to get a job, then a flat and finally a plane. I won't be able to afford accommodation on top of everything so we would have to plan it in detail and couchsurf, or possibly camping at airfields. If you decide you want to go international I think you'd have to make your own way back on a big plane with a comfortable seat etc as I won't be able to fly around planet earth more than once. Ultimately I'll be heading back to Australia. No need to start making plans right away because I'm not sure myself where in the world I want to go aside from perhaps seeing a little more of the states but I can do that when I start school there. If you have any thoughts on this maybe you'll have commitments or something. Let me know what you'd like to do.

Keep me updated on the Lou Reed shirt also!!

Ash

Annoying Tenant, coming out.....apparently, beastiality

A suprise party thats cool, they seem big on your continent here and europe I don't think anyone ever does that, I've never had one but thinking on that i'll have to plan something for someone probably my sisters 30th. I'm restarting my grow op again since I'm going to be here for the rest of the year (more like 6 months). My Dad talked me in to staying and because of some loophole I can train on my old medical and start training this week and get back on amphetamines (i'll make another video with the goldfinger helicopter also). The weed never caused the perma-terror it was the amphetamine but it really helps me study and I tolerate it well at the right dose I'm quite sure this time I won't go crazy, now that I'm focused with goals and stuff. Staying out of hospitals and jails this time and if not I'm taking him down with me!! Smoking isn't good though if you know what your doing you should try cooking with it I always seem to mess it up.
I've just been outed.... seemingly anyway. I told you his name wrong please skip along with me to the end of these sentences... he's not Camice but Musab like it matters. When he first came I found him incredibly annoying and rude (our Saudi tenant from melton college). Forever demanding this and that and having me drive him everywhere on one occasion he woke me up because he couldn't get a taxi to catch a train... He then tells me he could have got on a later train. I've just been helping him with his emails, he didn't plan ahead though....oh what fun watching him break out in a sweat all agitated throughout trying to cover up his tones of urgency when he said things like "No not in that folder!!" He broke away breifly for a phone call and I'm fairly certain that among his cornacopia of pornopgraphy..... now I had to close the window by this time.... but I'm sure I saw a horse. He's ok really, I can get on with him at least. The point. He was asking me if I had a girlfreind "No" said I.
"Why not?" I was busy half doing something else... germinating my seeds to be exact, he caught me off guard.
"ummmmm because I happen to not know anyone in York"
"How come?"
"well I went to a private school in somerset and after that I traveled a lot and I don't know what to tell you I generally hate everyone" I use to be kind of an asshole but that was at a time when irony was lost on phyciatrists and well before shows like house made it cool.
"No I think it is because maybee you umm I think maybee it is because you don't like girls" more skipping ahead for the thought process after that because I was trying to give a credible anwser and in all truth I don't really have an answer to that and I don't care to have one either. I'm too old to have that as an issue and I'm sure I have more important things to concern myself with. He backed me in to a corner so I just suggested that he ask me something else "Ahhhhh I knew it!!"
"Well done good for you" In Amsterdam I was getting a lot of hassle from drug pushers in the street and its the same attitude really its a hell of a lot easier just to start speaking spanish and act all confused. " Lo siento pero no hablo ingles mas o mas o mas asi" All of yesterday he kept pointing out girls on the street. I gotta say coming out like this feels really liberating, its a lot less hassle.


xxx Ash

Amsterdam P2 -happy holidays, not gay, more on longevity +exhaustion, a murderer, my purse ect.....

So like news readers do I have to start with also the serious things like last week this guy I use to know killed himself, I can't go in to that in any way because its all complicated, I wasn't surprised to hear that's what had occured. I assumed that was what had happened when I heard thats why its complicated, its different because he was my age a peer, someone I knew he wasn't a grandparent or a hamster. He left a daughter I didn't know about. I hated him so its all very odd to me. So thats all shocking and stuff and so there it happened and its news and the rest here, is my original email start....

yeah there was more stuff.......... serious anticlimax being back at home hoping I'll drown in my tears of boredom. I spent too much money also. Oh yeah that was it we met this character. Tony the sport. I've never seen any of those kind of films, I don't really know what I'm talking about. He appeared out of nowhere and before we had chance to check our pockets this ex US pat from Boston took us on a tour of the red-light district. I can't even tell you how it happened within 5 seconds we all decided he was very charming hands still on our zips sure and mine on what I can't really argue is anything short of a purse. It was and always had been a satchel until I found myself cuing with the women of the group to collect our belongings namely our purses. Am I crazy women's bags are called that right aswell as the money holding thing?
So this Boston guys like "yeah I went to prison for killing this guy asshole forced himself on my disabled friend..... hey Ash man I wouldn't carry your purse around like that keep it at yer front" Part about him claiming to have killed this guy was true "So Alex your after some pussy huh?" See now it was his fault the atmosphere and the drugs I was caught up in the whole thing, I was all outgoing I forgot how that went. "Ok fine I'll go with a girl as a token thing if one of you wants to OK" Was just an impulse thing and then to the realization that I'm actually going through with this. So yeah It all turned out to be pointless and seedy and at some point I got confused or something like its in the male mind as a cultural mean what your purpose is in this role. It never occurred to me I could just fake it. All personal growth learning from what I'm hoping will be closure on adolescently minded misadventures, though I also did learn its bad form to wait
to get your breath back during. Sharing too much? Turns out to my shock I know nothing and I have very serious questions like oh ok yeah no I'm not asking you I'm meeting Jacob Lewis (Reed) in seville turns out he's gonna be there at the same time as me. I'll ask someone, but I don't entirely know what to make of that with myself cause everything I've ever heard is that as guys we have the opposite problem. Because I was mostly joking about that swiss. So that wraps it all up nicely we all gave tony some change ...........

Happy Holidays Gill
Have a fantastic 2009 might see you in it!!


p.s. seriously not gay

end of email /blog ect................

Can't afford a plane and Amsterdam P1

Yeah it does seem like I need every penny for school and I have to wait for the economy to recover. However it would be a fantastic idea if we could find someone who has a plane at an aero club and is looking for an extra pilot and to share the costs. This is gonna be so cool, no waiting around in airports or cueing or being lost. During my study I found out that actually there are stop signs in the sky!! Who knew? Technically though the stop signs are on the ground!!I've just returned from a week in amsterdam, I've never had so much fun!! Couchsurfers let me down mostly so I found a good hostel and thereI found this swiss guy. Was unbeleivably cute being straight sucks. He fell out with his freind because his girlfreind went to him and said how much she wanted him.I was like yeah can you really blame her. (seriously though I will find a pic later) Couldn't go anywhere with him cause girls just pounced. I was in coffeeshop after coffeshop smoking joints all week. The next morning I met Jacob from San Fran. I've never been so clicky right away with anyone well maybee the swiss guy but really I was just lost in his eyes. We had loads in common but the scarey thing was that he is Lou Reed's double. Only 20 but I'm not exagerating even slightly this guy looks just like lou reed he
gets that all the time. All my media is still on my camera (I'll make a movie everything is in HD format even the stills and my computer is too slow and no one yet has blueray). We spent the day together and went to a sex museum not that amazing but very cheap. Then we found this huge protest at a catholic church for pro life pro choice. People had to be dragged away and all the pro lifers where singing hyms and this women had the most fantastic sign that said "GET YOUR ROSARIES OUT OF MY OVARIES!!"
Then we met up with his freinds and for the rest of the evening we egged each other on to go with girls in the red light district. I didn't want to at first but I said I will if someone else does. So Alex and I did so we all waited around 5 min for Alex so then it was my turn and I insisted we all walk back to this window with this exeptionally cute girl that I liked but she was busy with someone else. She wasn't there so I went with the girl next door. It was terrible and everyone was waiting. I couldn't beleive what she said. Its not my fault she was in a weird position.
"What is the problem bb is this your first time?"
If I didn't already know the answer I would have asked the same" No your just really shit at this.... was my take "Wouldn't it be easier if you went on top or something?" She just annoyed me and after 20 min I started to get too tired.
All my freinds were like "Way to go stud.......... what Happened in there?"
"Well she was very rude and in the end I just got too exhausted" They all laughed and thought it was very british of me"

my sister's soundalike, possibly emigrating, rainman and another man problem!!

Hey Gill, (and all on my new mailing list most of whom have probably forgotten who I am)

Thanks for the pictures, I'm envious of your camping van as currently my driving liberties are serverly inhibited by my fathers insufferable unending hints, tips, comments, suggestions and directions. Like the rainman, I swear all the live long day I went to the airfeild to do my airlaw which I passed yey!! Only to be informed that I'm out another 5k as the aircraft I was training in isn't in the right class so now I have to do 35 more hours in a slightly different aircraft so I can fly internationally and proffesionally. Unbelievable, and this guy was showing me around the hangers and in the training aircraft and he unexpectedly said "now turn around!!"
"Ok" Instantly struck was I with familiarity "OMG, its just like that helicopter in Goldfinger "
"It is!!" So I'll have to take a picture next time I'm there. But since theres nothing tying me to England anymore I'm giving serious consideration to emigrating to Australia, I'm sick of my control freak of a father whom If I had an extra pair of hands today would have been at 10-02 around his neck!! Theres absolutley nothing one can say to get him to shut the fuck up endlessly repeating the same shit over and over. I've just got home now and I can hear him arguing with my mum over this I've only just suggested my going to Australia to do my PPL and he's being such a twat his general attitude is well who's going to tie his shoe laces and dress him in the morning. For me to do this bassicaly I'm leasing out my bedroom and if my mum wants to move back there for a short time we could get a lot more for the house as a whole on lease and assuming my dad is still supporting me would be a huge benefit to the funding of my education (he has his own house).
Neway I get home and I answer the phone and its my sister "hey, hellooo" in a personable and casual manner.
"Oh thank fuck its you" and my sister just starts laughing "Oh I get it he's been on to you aswell has he?" more laughing "I've had it up to here!! Whats he been saying?"
"I'm just passing on a message"
"Ha thats halarious, why doesn't he just keep things to himself instead of endlessly obsesivley going on and on and on about the same things over and over and over, god damn rainman!!"
"Camise is coming today" so I thought thats kinda odd Melton College must have left a message with my Dad about leasing the spare room and for some reason he's passed that on to Sarah.
"Mark just pass that message on ok.....to Norma"
Why is she calling mum Norma? "Sarah what are you doing? Sarah............ that is you isn't it?" It was the melton college receptionist!! Sounded just like her and she calls up now and then and over time I've got kinda chatty with her but she knew me as my family name Mark" funny stuff. I'm skipping the man problem thing cause i'm tired but I'll just say that a man should never go commando in baggy karkis around attractive company which in itself is a whole other box of frogs as a topic!! But I already partly covered that in my last email/blog.


Will talk again soon.

Ash xxx