Security Guard Riding, Mable and whatever the fuck I can get in here and/or remember of Nimbin

     I arrived back in Brisbane a couple of nights ago and during then until now as the back of my brain has been waking up I've slowly been loosing certain faculties such as the ability to control and deal with pointless fucked up emotional troubled thinking, random screaming and loss of motor-control which leads me to conclude that either dexamphetamine  has caused permanent damage to my brain or.... I just don't know or understand, its uncanny how similar it is to the encephalitis outbreak of the 20's. I think its a mild brain swelling I had an ear infection when I was young and I've fucking had enough of the stupidity of the health system here. You wanna see The Wizard of Oz but instead you get some quack pulling leavers. They like to do a lot of work, write many notes and ask lots of questions and forward paper here and there, its just designed for show, the pure illusion of them being very clever and insightful but 3 weeks back I was prepared and ready and all I wanted and all I've ever wanted was a fucking answer some information and insight .... the idea that there's a free health system in this country that meets peoples needs is a myth and contrary to my rights to religious freedom and from behind the curtain pops another FUCKING PSYCHIATRIST!! I won't give up anyway, I will try to an actual scientific doctor which is what I need and deserve because he was a retard...hey but chin up!! I can see a psychotherapist who can give me helpful tips to keep such niggling troubles at bay!! THE GOVERMENT WILL PAY FOR THE FIRST 5 SESSIONS!! Whoopdyfuckingdo. I'm sitting there with my head leaning at a certain weird angle cause its the only way I could keep it steady and focus and what the cunt was saying. Its disgusting I have to fucking live like this, rarley to that degree but I can always feel it, it steals my words and fucks with my breathing and this jam occurs its this vile very brief very violent surge of anger accompanied by screaming.



After I stopped smoking weed it came back, and I was so free, walking and talking fluidly it was great I nearly slept with some guys wife but that tiger was a pussy I felt best left ......un-poked!! I love all those witty mixed metaphors I come up with!! I have so many I should write them down. I nearly fell in love with this other girl.... I mean I know I could cause she made such a strong impression, beautiful and a distinct personality and it was confusing cause she liked me a lot and I never dropped the ball or felt the slightest emotional discomfort when I first met her and I've never felt that way ever, spinning on the end of my finger it was!! The first conversation was so natural, free of pretense, lots of laughing cause that was the main thing at first deliberately asking all the stupid questions that people ask when they first meet. Past that she didn't wanna talk.... much needed role play!! I wanted to talk TALK TALK TALK, lots of talking and an hour in to day 1 of our date "FOR GOD SAKE SAY SOMETHING I DON'T CARE JUST ASK ME A STUPID QUESTION I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!" to which she replied
     "Whats wrong with not talking?" to which I though... well done.... using my own argument against me. So I said that I respected that she may feel she has a reason for not wanting to, I thought she might need time. I was gonna ask if she wanted to go with my freind to pick hongos but realized her wheels weren't really off the road gear.  I'm going to go spend Christmas with her.....she doesn't know it yet cause in fact when I left I seriously fucked it all up.... she couldn't have wheeled away from me faster, I thought she'd at least find it funny if I did this Casablanca parody to say goodbye!! It was an awkward nightmare and I got as far as problems of 2 people, a hill of beans. FOR FUCK SAKE THE BUS WAS RIGHT THERE WAITING for me to depart on but it seriously bombed...I'm not big on expressions but y'know. 
 

END OF PART 1