The Crab

What is it with Asians? They never know where anything is and they insist on cash only as they don't pay tax. Its just an accurate observation and happens to be true like last week I asked at a sushi place and they failed to direct me to the newsagent that was directly opposite them.

I arrived back late the other night and tried to order chinese. CASH ONLY!! Oh for fuck sake.....do you know where theres an AT.........nevermind. So I went next door and I was really out of it. Its a $15 minimum and was handed what I thought was a menu of things that were so. I ordered the crab but they wouldn't let me pay for it until they .....I wasn't listening......anyway. They return to asking me to pay a bill for $150. This is the worlds most expensive crab and it makes no sence the sea is half an hour away at most. For 10 minutes we discussed how on one hand they had killed it and on the other I couldn't afford it. They dropped it to $100 but I insisted still that I CAN'T AFFORD IT!! At most I have right now is $30.......I explained. I'll give you my passport and pay the rest of on Monday. Deal? I know I know you killed it already. I'm sorry but thats not something we do.... they finally understood that I could only afford $30 so they agreed to give me half the crab and then the other half on Monday. She handed me a receipt. DECLINED. She hadn't noticed and I luckily supressed the tell well enough. Well I saved myself $30 so far. Suppose I'll have to leave my passport and still pay $70 next week. So I waited a while.... getting nervous... could see them looking in the till..... I hope thats not the receipt draw I'm too tired for acting. My crab finally came and I couldn't hear a word she was saying.... something about $30. The end of the story is they gave me the whole thing and said don't worry about the other 70 and that the 30 I had paid was all that was needed. So I walked right out having stolen the worlds most expensive crab. Nightmare to try and eat despite the size of the thing it had very little meat and was mostly legs and claws.